Today is Friday, January 17th, two days before what should have been my 13 month anniversary with my boyfriend, but let's get through the story first.
One week ago today, on Friday, January 20th I had my tonsils removed. As a child, this procedure is normally a breeze and the pain had subdued within the first few days. As an adult (which I am almost), a Tonsillectomy, can be insanely painful and the recovery time pretty much doubles. If you know me you know that I have an insanely low pain tolerance so this was about to be a living hell in itself. I made it through Friday just fine and everything was okay, my boyfriend came over to take care of me and everything was really good. Fast forward to Monday, I had been laid up in bed all day sipping on water and some Jel-O and I had been so excited for my boyfriend to come over because I feel so much better when I'm with him and he told me he was going to take good care of me while I was recovering. I get a text:
BF: My dad doesn't want me to come over
Now I knew this was crap because his dad loves me.
Me: oh.. I don't think that's true. What's going on
BF: nothing I promise
Me: oh
So I called him because I'm not letting this go... Now long story short he broke up with me. He told me that he hadn't been happy with me and that he didn't love me the same. This hurt like hell so bad that on top my throat pain, that's double hell.
He was my first kiss, and the first person I fell in love with, and now the first person to ever truly break my heart.
I was so mad at him at first for breaking up with me when I was already in pain and on medicine that made me loopy. After about a day the hurt moved from angry to insanely sad. It was my fault he left because I couldn't make him happy anymore.. all I wanted to do was make him happy. Now I know there is nothing I could have done, no matter how hard I tried to be everything he wanted me to be, I couldn't make him love me the same again.
I don't want to stop talking to him so I won't. He has been very mature and patient with me, because at first it was hard for him to. He lets me call him so I can hear his voice and he lets me ask questions, normally I can just make out why without bursting into tears but that is besides the point. He is such a sweet heart and he really does deserve someone who makes him as happy as he makes me and who loves him as much as I do. Letting go is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I'm just not there yet; I'm holding on to the little things and day by day it all starts to go away. It seems too real.
I really wish I could say I had some grandiose lesson to make this more of a learning experience rather than a pity party, but I don't. All I can say is I've been pushing through with the help of my friends, my amazing Odyssey family, and a whole lot of ice cream.
And the pain meds don't hurt my cause at all ;)
