All day, every day, life is filled with fear and apprehension. You worry that something you said might have been wrong, or that people disapprove of you. You're anxious about being rejected and that people will look at you and think you don't fit in. You live defensively, putting up walls to block out your deepest feelings and secrets.
Not many people understand what it feels like to have social anxiety. It's an ongoing, agonizing struggle. Social anxiety makes a person want to hide inside his own shell and protect himself from others. Most people with social anxiety hide this, just like I do. I have an ongoing fear that when someone finds out about my social anxiety, they will view me differently and treat me in a completely different way. Maybe they will pity me, or maybe they will completely shut me out. So, instead of coming clean about how I feel, I would much rather lock my anxiety up in a hidden box in the darkness under my bed and keep it there for the rest of my life.
It's easier to not go to social events. When friends ask me if I want to go out for dinner, I usually say no. Not because I don't like them, but because I am afraid that, even though we have been friends for 3 years, they will look at me and judge me. I fear that when we hang out, they will sense that I'm tense and uncomfortable and think "she's strange." There are so many days where I lived in complete fear of judgement and there were even more days where I felt like I was the only person who understood what it felt like to suffer from social anxiety.
But I am not alone and I can overcome.
For the longest time, I would run away from any situation that made me feel anxious. If you could have seen me, I would be running faster than Usain Bolt. However, I've learned some things that have reassured me in times of anxiety.
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world -- not even our troubles" - Charlie Chaplin
Anxiety is one small tree in the forest of my life. I realized that I was only looking at that one small tree when there was a forest of amazing things surrounding me. When you focus on only the negativity, you tend to envelope yourself in paranoia and anxiety. By finding people I can trust, such as my best friend Dani, I was able to feel more comfortable with my social anxiety and learn to embrace it.
For anyone who struggles with social anxiety, here's the biggest word of comfort and relief.
Your life doesn't revolve around your social anxiety; you are in control.
