Rape.
It’s a word that gets thrown around as a joke, as an insult, or a false accusation. It’s a word that is no longer taken seriously by most people. It’s a word that scares people if it is taken seriously, but it’s something that we don’t talk about if it actually happens.
The current definition of rape is, “Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent.” What that doesn’t say is that it may not be due to force or threat of injury. As soon as someone stops feeling it, the other parties involved have to respect that and stop. Anything that is not consensual, whether “no” or “stop” is said or not, it is sexual assault. Rape is rape. You can be on the verge of intercourse, or even in the middle of it, but as soon as you want to stop and it doesn’t, that is rape. No matter what the conditions preceding are, what a person is wearing, or the amount of alcohol or drugs that has been consumed, rape is rape.
“You were flirting with him/her, what did you expect?”
“You put yourself in that situation by hanging out with him/her.”
“You dressed like a slut, so that’s how you were treated.”
“If you were sober, you could have stopped it.”
“You didn’t even fight against him/her.”
“You were passed out; you didn’t even feel it so it shouldn’t matter.”
“He/she didn’t have a weapon; you could’ve gotten away.”
“You liked him/her, what’s the problem?”
“Well, you’re together, you can’t really say no.”
“Boys will be boys.”
“He/she didn’t hurt you, so I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of it.”
“You didn’t say no.”
“You were already making out, that’s giving him/her consent.”
“You were asking for it with the way you were acting.”
Because of these statements, many victims don’t report their attacks. Some never tell anyone, for fear of not being believed (their word against their rapist’s), or being told it was their own fault. It is never the victim’s fault. No one asks to be assaulted. No one should have to base what they wear, how much they drink, or what they do off of whether or not it could lead to being sexually violated. Instead of people telling victims how they should/shouldn’t act to avoid being raped, parents need to raise their children to know what rape is and teach them to know when to stop. They need to be taught self-control and respect. No rape is ever justified.
In this country, someone is sexually assaulted every two minutes. That means just while I’m writing this article, about 20 people will become victims. One of every six women will be victims of rape or attempted rape at least once throughout their lifetime. Victims of rape often experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) for any amount of time after it occurs. Many contemplate, attempt, or commit suicide after being raped. The toll rape takes on a victim will stay with them for the rest of their life and rapists take something from their victims that isn’t theirs to take. It’s not just the decision of whether or not to have sex; it’s their self-image, future relationships, emotions, and any sense of stability they had before.
If you have been sexually assaulted or raped, I am truly sorry. I’m hurt for you, angry for you, and I know that if you tell someone, they will be too. Talk about it with whoever you feel comfortable with; speak up. I can only imagine how hard it must be to do so, but take that step and go from there. You don’t need to press charges against your attacker or even report it to the police, if you know who it is. You don’t have to tell anyone if that’s really what you want, but telling someone, anyone, will lift a tiny bit of the burden off your shoulders. No matter who you are, you’re not alone.
