How often do we look at someone and discern one aspect of their being as something to define them by?
In Psychology we learned about a phenomenon known as Gestalt psychology- a term relating to perception meaning that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. And I have come to understand that this is not only true of our mental processes but of people too.
We perceive one experience, encounter, or detail about them as collective- they become that singularity we choose. This is a selective and selfish way to view people, but we fall prey to it all the time. Because once is easy. One time seeing someone, one time engaging with them, one conversation with them, is enough to make a judgement. Or so we believe. But we can’t play God. We can’t see the entirety of someone’s life in the midst of once.
We also learned in psychology about depth perception. Some argue it is innate, others that it is an accumulation of time and experience- as should our judgement of others be.
If college has taught me anything thus far its that time is such a paradox. We want more of it one minute, less of it the next. It heals one day, and hurts the next. But time is what makes our perception of people just. And I can say that with time, I have come to know some of the greatest people I have ever met here. I look into the eyes of my best friends and see the better parts of myself. I hear them laugh and I don’t have to know what it’s about to laugh too, because hearing them is enough in of itself. I see them do what they do best- act, sing, chemistry, sports- and am in awe of their talents. This wholesomeness, this mutuality of love and respect could have been lost if I saw their bits and pieces versus their whole.
Once isn’t enough. It doesn’t allow us to be comfortable with letting someone cry on your shoulder in the hallway at 2 am. It doesn’t allow us to know what it is like to be so welcomed into someone’s home that you feel that it's yours too. It doesn’t allow us to be confident amidst being alone because we know we have people to turn to in an instant. Single judgments are easy. They’re human.
Despite consciousness of them they’re still inevitable, and sometimes (unjustly) scarring/permanent. But I’m trying to stray from them. Remember Gestalt psychology. My whole is greater than the sum of my parts. So is yours.
