Sometimes life becomes too heavy to bear. The weight of responsibilities and daily tasks slowly start piling up, snowballing until you just can't take it anymore. Life becomes impossible to withstand.
You start by slowly losing sight of why life is even worth living. The inadequacy you feel is like the weight of the ocean water piling on your shoulders, flowing into your throat and lungs when you forget to hold your breath. The weight piles on, crushing your will to live, breaking your soul into a million tiny fragments that begin to float away into the abyss of the sea.
Breathing becomes difficult; you've somehow lost the ability to send the signals from your brain to your lungs to give you the capacity to move air in and back out of your body.
Your whole self seems to vanish; your body becomes paralyzed and frozen, as though you've lost control of your limbs, all at once. You might as well be concealed in a freshly-poured cement square, with only your face emerging from the tan grit hardening around you, the spout of the truck looming over, getting ready to pour the last remaining slab worth of concrete onto your head and end it all.
But the only parts of your body still working are your mind and your tear ducts.
Let the tears fall. Whether they trickle slowly or burst forth like a wave crashing onto a sandy beach, they will heal. Maybe not right away, but they will.
Tears are reminders that we need to cleanse our minds and souls as well as our bodies. The salt reminds you of the sea, and the worries that disperse are as vast as any ocean looks to the wandering eye.
Your mind races, filled with haunting thoughts, but simultaneously empty. An almost indescribable feeling, for the mind works in mysterious ways.
Hearing abilities will be useless at this point in time, because you aren't in control of your thoughts any longer. You've been injected with poisonous thoughts and feelings that leech themselves, anchoring deep for maximum pain. The smallest things become bullet wounds in the mind, and the uneasiness assures you that you're not strong enough to endure. You become powerless to yourself, the fear only gains momentum, and races through your veins, pulsing louder than your slowed heartbeat.
You may experience indifference to temperature, because when you cannot listen to the natural tendencies of your body, those signals will be virtually nonexistent.
Time will pass, with no concern for your well-being.
After what seems like lifetimes, something will snap you back into the harsh reality that you've been hiding within, pretending to be safe and secure. A phone call, a siren, or maybe even a sneeze in the distance. You slowly regain the ability to breathe normally once more, but it might be labored. You've endured a tragic immeasurable amount of time trapped in your personal black hole of confusion and hurt.
I want you to know you that you can recover. Not because it is easy, but because you are strong and you can move past it. It's likely that you'll experience it again, but there's no certainties about when or how or what will cause it. The past can haunt, like a ghost looking for its final resting place, much like you may feel in your life. Life is never perfect, no matter how much it seems so. No one has a completely amazing life all the time.
Remember, that you are never truly alone, even when the end seems near. As Victor Hugo wrote, "even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."
