There's A Darkness Behind Always Being The 'Funny Girl'

There's A Darkness Behind Always Being The 'Funny Girl'

Sometimes we're a little tired of being the clown.
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For almost as long as I can remember, funny is the way I have been described. However the word funny is often very quickly substituted for annoying, obnoxious, or attention seeking. At the end of the day, I am just being myself and if people decide that they want to pay attention to them, that's not my business. If I want attention, I'll ask for it.

I am working my best to have open communications in all areas now and if I am feeling neglected I use my voice to demand that I am paid better attention to or that I be listened to.

I don't have to give off silent signals for attention, if I want something, I ask for it. I try to anyway. Perhaps the answer might be no too. Maybe I'll be told to screw off and go away, but at the end of the day, I do believe it's better to ask. If I want to be listened to, I will request I have all ears, not scream louder just so I am heard.

Being labeled as "funny" has been one of the greatest joys and biggest burdens of my entire life. Now, I am not saying I am found universally funny by all people. If that were the case I would be on my comedy tour right now rolling my big bucks. You would be me on TV instead of behind the computer screen writing this article.

I would be chuckling with Jimmy Fallon or a variety of other late night television hosts, cracking my jokes and watching as the audience basks in my hilarity.

If there was a descriptor of me it was funny or opinionated. Even when I didn't speak much I kind of felt I still held the label. That adjective is one I have heard in reference to me more than anything else. In reality, I don't really think I ever grow super tired of it but sometimes I do kind of wish a new adjective could be used in its place.

Pretty, smart, cool, kind, artistic, or cute. These were all adjectives that I knew would never be mine.

I remember being so confused the first time I was friend zoned. However, I came quickly to learn that girls like me are quick to be thrust into the friend zone. Funny people have come to know the friend zone better than anyone else.

Funny girls (and boys) are wanted for a good time, a laugh, and practically as entertainment, not as a true friend or life partner. I feel like we are a secret community, often on the outside looking in.

The word obnoxious and annoying is very often put in place of the word funny.

As a matter of fact, unfortunately, I feel like I hear those two words instead of the word funny. I am constantly asking myself if I am too much, if I am not everyone's cup of tea.

My biggest insecurity often seems to be my biggest asset and compliment as well.

Being funny is the one thing I felt like I have held with me for the entirety of my life. However, it has worked as a burden for me too. "Funny girl" stays in the friend zone, funny girl is constantly called obnoxious, funny girl is forever told she's trying too hard, and the sometimes funny girl is even informed she's not even all that funny.

Funny girls are an entertainment source, a clown of sorts and sometimes you aren't always up to be a part of the show. There are times where I just want to be, and it is difficult when there are prying eyes expected me to be the source of their entertainment.

I don't think I'd change the identity and label I've been giving. The humor I have has been inherited, I come from my father who was his high school's honorary funny boy. It is my identity, who I make myself known.

However, with this identity, I realize I am much more and I have a place to grow. I can be the funny girl, but also the pretty girl, smart girl, informed girl, fun girl, wild girl, sweet girl, bad-ass girl, cute girl, and whatever else I might decide I want to be. The labels you are giving can be limiting, but they do not define you.

I think that the specific label I've been given has put me in zones of friendship that I have been unable to escape and at times I really do feel that it has rendered my practically useless. I have many times been seen as the "bro" or the friend.

I am rarely ever someone that people really seem to want to commit their time to or to love.

I don't feel I am often asked for advice because that just doesn't really seem like my area of expertise to many people I am the funny friend and people should only come to me when they are looking for a laugh or someone to bring them out of their pit of misery through humor. I am not the wise friend or the comforting friend. I am not the friend that many people feel they want to come to in a time of distress so that I may offer them comfort and support.

For some reason, that has never been me or the label that I have been given. I know who I am and I find this ironic as I have been through a lot of therapy in order to make my own self happy and I have taken a lot of advice that has helped me to advance mentally and I would be more than happy to give that advice to the world if they wanted to take it from me. However, that is not the label I have been given.

Somewhere along the way, I was given the label of the funny friend and it is one that at times I wish I could escape it. I wish I could shed it like skin, just let it fall off of me so that I could be someone else for a little while.

I in no way am ashamed or embarrassed by who I am. I happy to be someone who helps others laugh and smile, but at times I feel annoying or like I am too much. I feel too loud or too bold or too extra. I feel like more of an annoyance than a source of happiness and it hurts me at times to feel like I am a hindrance or a burden to people. I like making people smile, but I wish I was given a little bit more room to explore who I truly am.

I can be kind, intelligent, deep, philosophical, reserved, wild, moral, and intellectual. I am a lot more than that one word that I have been given my entire life. I am very tired of the friend zone I kind of feel I have been here my entire life.

I wish someone would scoop me out of it. I am tired of being expected to always play the part of the clown and put a smile on the face of others when there are times when I find myself unable to put a smile on my own face. I am grateful, truly I am. But sometimes being the funny girl isn't all that fun at all.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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To The Grandmothers Who Made Us The Women We Are Today

Sincerely, the loving granddaughters.
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The relationship between a grandmother and her granddaughter is something so uniquely special and something to be treasured forever.

Your grandma loves you like you are her own daughter and adores you no matter what. She is the first person you run to when you have a problem with your parents and she never fails to grace you with the most comforting advice.

She may be guilty of spoiling you rotten but still makes sure to stress the importance of being thankful and kind.

Your grandma has most likely lived through every obstacle that you are experiencing now as a young adult and always knows just exactly what to say.

She grew up in another generation where things were probably much harder for young women than they are today.

She is a walking example of perseverance, strength, and grace who you aim to be like someday.

Your grandma teaches you the lessons she had to learn the hard way because she does not want you to make the same mistakes she did when she was growing up.

Her hugs never fail to warm your heart, her smile never fails to make you smile, and her laugh never fails to brighten your day.

She inspires you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

You only hope that one day you can be the mother and grandmother she was to you.

A piece of girl’s heart will forever belong to her grandma that no one could ever replace.

She is the matriarch of your family and is the glue that holds you all together.

Grandmothers play such an important role in helping their granddaughters to grow into strong, intelligent, kind women.

She teaches you how to love and how to forgive.

Without the unconditional love of your grandma, you would not be the woman you are today.

To all of the grandmothers out there, thank you for being you.

Sincerely,

the loving granddaughters

Cover Image Credit: Carlie Konuch

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You Don't Have To See Your Friends Every Day

We all have lives that we're trying to balance.

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For as long as I can remember, whenever I would have no plans and go on Snapchat to see all my friends having fun without me, I would get FOMO. I'd get really sad and think that they didn't care about me because they didn't invite me. It would get me in such a bad mood that it would ruin any chance of going out with someone else who wanted to hang out.

I don't know if it was just my anxiety of people hating me or if it was a fear of missing out (FOMO). Even recently, it has gotten me down. However, over the past month or so, I finally realized something: you don't have to hang out every day to still consider each other friends.

Everyone has a life that they're trying to balance, especially after high school. People work (maybe even more than one job) and go to school. Some have to take care of family members or do things for their family. Some people are focusing on themselves. Some have relationships to maintain. Whatever it is, we all have lives that we're trying to balance.

We all want to have fun, but school, work, and our families are the priorities.

Even if they're out hanging with other people, it doesn't mean that they don't want to hang out with you. Free time is served on a "first come, first serve" basis. It's hard to balance hanging out with multiple people.

I also learned that it doesn't matter the number of friends you have. What truly matters is the quality. Ask yourself, "Who's there for me when I really need someone?" The people who are there for you when you really need someone to talk to are your TRUE friends.

It's not easy to be there for someone and make them feel better. If they offer to listen or give advice, they care!

I know that it may feel like you have no friends sometimes, but that's not true. Life after high school is hard at times. You're an adult. You have to do adult things and take care of yourself first.

You have to realize that everyone has a busy schedule and not all your friends' schedules will align with yours, but that's okay! You don't need to hang out with friends every day to consider them your friends. What truly matters is if they are there for you when you need them.

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