Take a second to reflect and think about who you said “I love you” to today. Could be a mom, dad, sibling, romantic partner, friend? Now think, did at any time today, this week, or this year you tell yourself “I love you”? Sadly I know that a few of the internal responses to this question could be no. And for many years of my life I had said the same. Self-love is extremely important and necessary. We care so much about the people around us, but neglect another very important person, ourselves. Love is a gift we can give without having. We spend so much time making sure that our friends and family are doing ok but rarely do we check in on ourselves.
Self-love does not equal self-absorption. Confidence does not equal cockiness. We are with our body forever, so why not love it? You are the only person you spend 24/7 with, so it is important to be aware of ourselves and how we feel, and also know that no matter what we go through we always have a love for ourselves. The only thing static with the highs and lows of life should be how much we love ourselves. Why does it take so long to love ourselves? Maybe for some it just clicked and became natural for them, but for many of us it is a process.Self-love does not happen over-night. You can decide that you want to love yourself right then and there, but it can be a process depending on where you are at. I can’t speak for everyone on this, so I’m just giving my personal opinion on it, so some of the things I say you may not agree with or be like “no what the heck”, or you could agree and feel like you are not alone. Because the truth is, you’re not. We are constantly with ourselves all the time and maybe that can be a source of why it make take so long for us to realize that we should love ourselves. We see the same face in the mirror everyday, but we tear it apart with our words. Ask yourself, would you talk about your best friend the way you talk about yourself? I don' think so. Start treating yourself like you are your best friend.
My loneliest days were when I did not have the love for myself like I do now. Still, of course, I do feel lonely and have bad days, but they aren’t as bad as they used to be. You’re never alone when you have yourself. I am highly self-reliant, and don’t necessarily like to depend on other people to help me because I know I can get things done by myself, but am still willing to reach out when I need to. Have confidence in your abilities to accomplish tasks that you may think are too difficult or are suppose to be for someone else. But also know that it is 100% ok to reach out if needed.
So what are the first few steps to loving yourself? At first these things may sound weird but, compliment yourself, take yourself out to dinner, take a whole night to yourself for a self-care routine, whatever that may be to you. All of these allow you to get to know yourself better, what you like and don’t like, and gives you the confidence to be able to do things alone without needing the comfort of anyone else because you have the comfort of your own self. This is not me saying you shouldn’t hang out with friends or invite them anywhere with you, but if they’re busy, then you will feel just as comfortable being by yourself and feel ok with that.
I never despised myself, but it took a while for me to truly love who I am for everything that I am. I am a quiet and shy person and always thought that was a weakness, but it was just part of who I am. In school I would always feel bad about myself because I wanted to be more outspoken and seem approachable. I always feared my weaknesses were going to be my downfall in friendships and in life in general, but here I am today with an amazing group of friends and I’m still that shy and quiet gal (but it’s gotten a little better). I remember I first started comparing myself to other girls when I was in elementary school. SO YOUNG. Looking back I get so sad to think that little 9 year old Olivia thought she wasn’t good enough. But whatever I was feeling even at that young of an age, it helped me to grow year after year and learn about what it means to love yourself. I didn't realize back then that comparison could be toxic. Up until even high school I never realized it fully, but now at 19 years old, I can say that it was what broke me down the most, and letting go of the thoughts of not being good enough is a HUGE sigh of relief.
Comparison is the defeat of joy and the enemy of self-love. Why compare yourself to people when we know that everyone is different? Everyone should be embracing who they are because the world would not be as beautiful as a place with people who are just trying to be like the next. Comparison is what I really struggled with, and still struggle with to this day. It is something that has been a roadblock in my self-love journey for years, and I honestly don’t see it going away, but it definitely CAN be controlled. It is only natural for humans to compare ourselves with each other, but we can’t let it take over our soul. We are all unique and beautiful, so why ruin that with comparison when we KNOW that we are not going to be an exact copy of that perfectly Facetuned photo on Instagram?
You should love yourself not only at your best moments, but also at your worst. Everything that we go through as humans is valid and personal to each of us. No other person besides yourself fully understands what you feel. Be able to be confident enough in yourself to know that no matter how difficult life may seem, that you are capable of still feeling that love. The day you choose to love yourself is the day everything changes for the better. This doesn't mean that all of the bad times will magically float away forever, but it means that they may not seem as tough because of the positive mindset that you now have. Remember, none of this will happen over-night. All you have to do is make that choice, and start your steps from there.
Self love is true love, there is nothing else like it.
