It’s a phrase we hear quite often, and one that many people scoff at with the belief that it is just something people say when they want an “easy way out.” The phrase I am referring to is, “I’m afraid of commitment,” or something along those lines.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am one of those commitment-fearing girls, and it has taken me a long time to come to this realization.

I don’t think that the main problem with fear of commitment stems from some big, earth-shattering event in our lives, causing us to have this issue. I’m not saying that this is the case for every person, but I do believe that there are other factors that could trigger this problem.

I enjoy my freedom too much.

Being single gives me the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and with whomever I want. Being committed to someone often restrains a person from being able to do as they please, and the mere thought of that scares me beyond belief. I’m the kind of person who hates being told what to do, and I can’t even imagine my life having someone trying to control my actions. Not to say that every relationship contains a controlling significant other, but there are certain things that being single allows, which would not be considered okay while in a relationship.

The thought of being “tied down” scares me more than anything.

The thought of giving my all to one person and having to place my already fragile trust into their hands is enough to give me a severe anxiety attack. Whenever someone comes into my life and wants to pursue more than a fun little fling, I go running for the hills. The word relationship, alone, makes me cringe because I can’t imagine finding someone whom I would actually feel safe enough with to pursue one.

I’ve been hurt before and I know how it ends.

Being hurt in the past can often be a large factor in a commitment-fearing lifestyle. Whether it be watching others you care about being hurt, or being hurt yourself, the past is something we can learn and grow from, or it can also be something that can hold us back and destroy all future experiences. As much as I try to learn and grow from my experiences, I do realize how much they have, in fact, affected my actions and decisions as I move through life. I know how it feels to be hurt, and I know the pain that follows. This kind of pain is not like any physical pain - it doesn’t feel like a sting from a bee or a broken ankle, but is so much worse. After something bad happens to us, we often have a fear of the same thing occurring. This is exactly why giving my all to someone is something I cannot and will not do, because why would I choose to pet the dog again if it bit me the last time I tried?

As crippling as my phobia of commitment often is, it is something I know I need to work on. I know many people don’t feel like this is a real fear, just a silly excuse, but it is something I struggle with almost everyday, and desperately wish to fix.

We all get hurt in life and we need to realize that pain is just a step toward growing into better people with more life experience. As much as I’d love to say that a fear of commitment is an easy fix, I know it certainly is not at all. What I do know is that with each and every passing day, my fear begins to subside along with the sting of hurt I once felt.

I am a firm believer that time is the only cure for hurt. And I hope that one day I will find someone who changes my views on commitment and relationships. Until then, I will keep my walls up, and I will be smart. I will not give my heart away to just anybody, but I will save it for someone who I truly believe can handle me and all of my flaws, no questions asked.