When you grow up in foster care, you don't know anything else. You just grow up with restrictive rules, constantly moving, and you may even start to wonder what a normal household and family are like. Then when you turn 18, it's like playing a video game when you skipped the tutorial. Youth in foster care are able to cope with this lifestyle better when they entered a young age. However, there is an entire group of folks in the foster care community that entered when they were 13, 14, or 15. They grew up in a "normal" household. The transition from a traditional family to living with complete strangers at an older age can be challenging or empowering, depending on the situation.
I entered the world of Runway Homeless Youth (RHY) and the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) when I was 16. I just moved to California, fleeing from an abusive family in New England. The world of shelters, foster homes, and group homes was an amazing escape, even though it took a long time to find a correct fit. I knew what my rights were as a trans youth in foster care, and demanded to be treated with the same respect as everyone else. Even though the rules were a little harsh and hard to get used to, I really enjoyed being treated with respect for the first time since coming out. I am lucky to say that I was never abused during my time in foster care. Although after hearing some horrifying stories, it does happen and needs awareness.
For privacy reasons, we'll call this person Alex. Alex is a transgender male who is in foster care in Los Angeles County. He was 15 years old at the time I met him. When he came out as trans, his family packed his bags and dropped him off in the lobby of DCFS. Immediately his case was opened as none of his extended family was able to be located or contacted, and the ones that were had no interest in caring for him unless he de-transitioned. This was not an option, so he took it all in, and let life in foster care take him wherever it happened to take him. He lived in a shelter in Los Angeles for 30 days and was transferred to another shelter on the other side of town for about 90 days. He was placed in a religious foster home that wasn't supportive. They forced him to wear dresses and they called him by his birth name. He ran away multiple times and was brought back home by police. He had a full juvenile record at a young age. Social workers said he was a failure and troubled youth. He was eventually put in higher level group homes that locked him in 24/7 unless it was for a group outing. Then he advocated heavily for his rights and convinced his Children's Court judge to drop the charges with running away and give him a second chance in a lower level facility. I met him in this lower level facility almost two years ago. His story made me think a lot about my experiences while navigating foster care compared to his.
Alex isn't the only horror story I heard, and I'm not the only one with a positive story. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't have problems with the system because I did. The foster care system in the United States is broken. It's almost as bad as for-profit prisons. It's a hit or miss depending on your social worker and order of placements. If you do well in one placement, you get more freedom.
Being in foster care is a stressful thing to navigate on top of school, applying for colleges, dealing with the holidays, etc. However, if you're LGBT and in the system, it can be a nightmare. DCFS social workers are required to make sure that you're in an LGBT friendly home. If the home you are put in isn't a match, you have the right to request a new one if one is available. Although, if there aren't any homes available and you submit that request, you may be put in a high-level group home for your safety. It's a double ended sword, and you're left to decide if it's worth it.
If you are a youth (LGBT or not) here are some resources that may be helpful.
CASA - Court Appointed Special Advocates.
Child Abuse/Neglect Hotline: 1-800-800-5556
Foster Youth Have Rights!
And always remember, your social worker is supposed to work with you. If they are not, you have the right to speak with your lawyer and request a new one.
