There is a really awkward, extremely underrated, and completely unnoticed/un-talked about phase in life that no one, and I mean no one, ever warned me about. I’m referring to that uncomfy transition between getting over an ex, and delving into a new relationship.
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up (officially) after four years of being “on-again-off-again.” He was my first everything. So, falling out of a relationship with the first person I was ever in love with was more painful, more gut-wrenching and far more devastating than the overwhelming sadness I felt when the Jonas Brothers broke up circa 2013. Even months after our breakup, I started to believe that I would truly never get over him.
Until I started to.
Opportunities of meeting other great guys and going on dates had presented themselves sporadically after our breakup. But I was either not ready, not interested, or compared the new guys to my ex to the point of losing interest. It scared me to think I would feel this way forever, and I’d just always feel indifferent towards new love interests. I began to wonder if I would ever find someone who I, a) wouldn’t compare to my ex, b) wouldn’t make me think about my ex, c) was genuinely interested and happy around, and d) someone who covered all of the above. But I did.
After months of sulking over a failed relationship and comparing guys to someone whom I believed was incomparable, I involuntarily stumbled upon the same happiness I’d found the first time I started falling in love. While I had doubted I’d ever feel this way for someone new ever again, it was both exciting and terrifying to realize I was proving my own hypothesis wrong.
For anyone who’s never experienced this sensation before, picture someone learning how to ride a bike without their hands for the first time. Your emotions range from excited, cocky, confused, mortified and paranoid, amongst many other waves of emotions. And yet, it’s great because you’re doing something for the first time that feels good even though it’s scary. And it’s something you wouldn’t have necessarily even expected to work.
I welcomed back that itching, anticipating feeling when I’ve been missing someone for too long. The butterfly feeling came back whenever I saw him for the first time after missing him for awhile. I started catching myself being “that girl” who’s annoyingly always smiling at her phone. And even more annoyingly, I started calling him “cutesicle,” and having those, “No, I like you more,” conversations that everyone who isn’t part of those conversations hates (and rightfully so, to be honest). And I also noticed the transition between "hanging out with that guy you'retalking to" changed to "hanging out with your best friend." It's fun sitting there in the presence of someone you genuinely care about even if you're not doing anything, or even if you're just sitting in silence. I stopped worrying about "the one who got away" and started to worry that the one I'd met might get away.
There was no denying that I was falling in love again. [Cue the hopeless romantic sighs and swoon face.]
But this is the uncomfortable phase that I’m talking about -- because then there’s always that rude awakening called reality that settles in after harshly thwacking you square in the face.
While I was on my way up to cloud nine, I remembered my ex-boyfriend. I remembered that this is exactly how I felt when I fell in love the first time. It was the strongest taste of bittersweet. I was sad at the realization I was putting in the past for good something that had meant so much to me, but I was completely elated in the comfort of knowing that falling in love again is possible, and even more amazing.
It was an unexpected scary and sad feeling to physically, mentally and emotionally feel myself getting over the one whom I thought I’d end up with. And it was equally just as scary to feel myself falling in love with someone new. It was overwhelming -- and the uncertainty of it all of it was thrilling.
No one told me how awkward it is when starting a new relationship. I was so comfortable in that long-stage relationship phase that I completely forgot how socially unacceptable it is to burp in front of my new boyfriend on the first date. Quite literally, I just forgot how to date because I was so used to that “Netflix and chill” phase that seemed to define a long-term relationship. This is also part of the uncomfy transition. I was so used to being the "long-term girlfriend" that when starting a new relationship, I forgot what it was like in the beginning. I uncomfortably tried to weasel myself out of the phase I am used to and start all over again.
I am here to tell you: while it's uncomfortable and new, the best part is knowing that there is someone out there who will make you feel whole again. There is someone who is going to piece together your broken pieces and remind you why things didn’t work out with your ex. I remember after breaking up with my ex, everyone kept reassuring me that it was OK because "everything happens for a reason." That statement never resonated with me until my reason came along, and my reason is my current boyfriend. Suddenly it all made sense to me that everything truly does happen for a reason, and sometimes we don’t understand the path our lives take us on until we are forced to overcome these transition phases.
I just felt as though it was my job to define this particular transition because my mom, my friends, my cousins, my aunts, and Judy Bloom all failed to prepare me for the scariness that is falling in love again.
