So... Tinder. What does it even mean? Why did they choose to use this word as the name for their dating app? Is it like supposed to be “tender,” but they just switched the E to an I? In the dictionary, "tinder" is described as a dry, flammable, material such as wood or paper used for lighting a fire. Hmm...
Now is that definition supposed to be used to describe the way dating works? Because that actually sounds pretty accurate to me. Dating sucks. Let’s all just be honest with each other. Dating is like jumping off a cliff and hoping there’s a perfect rock that sticks out just enough to catch your shirt so you don’t die. But I don’t know if Tinder even counts as a viable way to date.
Tinder is a great way to talk to people when you’re bored. People that you think are attractive. Tinder is a great way to meet up with someone late at night. But, from personal experiences and experiences through friends, most conversations end by someone bailing on said dating plans, usually because of intimidation and nervousness. Tinder almost feels like a great way to distract yourself. It’s a great way to find people to talk to when you’re bored, and can be useful. But, is it really a viable way to date, or does it just create awkward hook-up situations? Let's find out.
Oh, the crazy Tinder stories! I’m sure you’ve heard them all. Some stories resulting in an awkward goodbye with the lingering smell of B.O. left behind. Some stories resulting in the most awkward hookup one could imagine. Some stories encountering one person having stronger feelings than the other. And some stories ending in a great relationship… Some stories even resulting in marriage. This evidence proves that it can go either way. Maybe it depends on the person.
So when you first get your Tinder you’re kind of thinking to yourself, “Well this is just silly...” You pick out your best five pictures, come up with a cool but not too eager description about yourself and then start swiping. The first few people you see are a good laugh and then you see someone who sparks your attention and suddenly Tinder isn’t this “stupid silly thing” anymore.
It’s an opportunity to really connect with someone. So, you swipe right. "OMG, it's a match." You’re kind of excited now and you’re starting to feel good about yourself. Like, damn, this person finds my looks intriguing enough to indicate that they’re interested in me. But, now what? Do you wait for the other person to message you, or do you bite the bullet and message them? And what would you even say? Like a cheesy pickup line, or a just a casual, “hey there!"... You decide to wait it out.
You continue swiping, finding some good ones, and attaining more and more matches. You go through the same thought process about messaging with the new ones and wait it out for these guys too. Then a message pops up on your phone that reads “Hello. You have very pretty eyes... They sparkle like lost sapphires in the ocean" — this one was a real pick-up line, guys (hey, at least it was nice?). You start thinking to yourself. OK, what am I even doing? But you respond to the message anyway for giggles. So you two start talking and maybe a connection forms, maybe it doesn’t.
You begin talking to several people and soon it’s hard to keep track of who you’re even talking to. Eventually the people don’t even seem like people anyone, they kind of just seem like talking faces on a screen without a body or soul. After a while it starts to feel like just a way to get compliments and check out what attractive people are in the area. Soon you start picking out certain characteristics and certain looks about each person, and eventually develop a "type" if you already didn’t have one.
Statistically for the male users, it’s used as a hook-up vice. While for the most part the female users are more interested in meeting someone that they can create a connection with. This is when Tinder gets negative. There is a lot of confusion involved within this aspect and can create an awkward misunderstanding of communication. I think that in order for Tinder to be a successful dating vice, there needs to be proper communication. Like, let the other person know what you’re interested in before actually meeting up. But, studies show that the "meeting up" actually never happens.
People will talk about it for weeks and weeks and then both people just end up bailing. This is the part where Tinder fails. Statistics also show that 42 percent of Tinder users already are in a relationship and are just looking to hook-up with with other people without their partner knowing. This "hook-up" scene creates a bad stigma for this dating app, but, on the other hand, the successful relationships show that it can actually be a great matchmaker tool. I guess Tinder creates the idea that it’s all up to the users. It’s all up to how they interact. Tinder does make it easy to message the other person on their own terms, and if you aren’t interested anymore, it’s easy to “un-match” them and never have to see them again.
Tinder shows you that there is really no easy way to start a conversation with a complete stranger. It’s probably going to be a bit awkward no matter what you say. It also shows you that you’re pretty shallow deep down, to be honest. If there’s one bad looking picture or the bio isn’t exactly how you imagined your soulmate to be, you’re going to swipe left. It’s pretty much all about looks. Also, having pictures with attractive friends makes you seem more attractive. It’s all about creating this fake idea of yourself. I mean, 75 percent of the time in life you’re not out on the beach with your girlfriends or sipping a drink, or diving off a mountain, like what you’re doing in your pics. It’s just creating this ideal person. But, even when you are dating face to face, you’re probably going to lie about a few things about yourself too.
Dating is all about selling yourself, as something you are not. When you go on a physical date with someone you are judging each other and each others’ character and trying to read between the lines. Whether we intend to or not, we try to sell a perfect version of ourselves when dating, exaggerating our positive qualities, ignoring the negative, and sometimes outright lying.
Tinder takes this to an entirely new level. Photoshopped pictures of people in their best moments, bio with crafted information and meticulously chosen wording, and time to carefully think about the messages you send all allow you to craft the perfect persona and sell yourself as someone you are not. You aren’t yourself on social media, you are a carefully constructed image of yourself. This environment is bound to cause problems later. When you project an image of yourself that is grossly inaccurate you are setting someone up for disappointment. A healthy relationship is never built on lies. I suspect Tinder will hurt the integrity and chances of success of relationships this day in age.
Overall, while useful as a matchmaking tool, Tinder is inherently flawed. Both by its format and by human nature. It shows an inaccurate picture of ourselves. By changing the format of dating and making it digital, it has the effect of starting relationships easier, but making meaningful connections more difficult and creating more uncertainty in what kind of connection you are trying to form. Tinder is great for making connections and can be a valuable tool, for long term relationships and otherwise, but is far from without faults.
