I don't think anybody really knows when a miraculous thing is about to happen, or a tragedy. I also don't believe they are able to tell the difference between the two. We grow up with this predetermined idea in our heads of what success looks like and our ideal path to it. But what if it all changed? What if one day you woke up and your nightmare became your reality?
It's a sad story, really. It was a cold December morning in 2008. In fact, it was exactly a week before Christmas. An artificial Christmas tree was up in the living room and strings of lights hung all around. A storm had just passed through and made the roads icy, the 178 specifically; which is a windy canyon. It was just one mistake, a few seconds longer than he should have pressed on the gas pedal. It's weird, in a way. The road he took everyday to work would be the one he took his last breath on. If I look back to any moment on that day it's this:
My mother stepped out of the car and walked me to the couch. She held my hands and said “you know your father loved you, but…” But, she really didn't have to finish the sentence because it was easy to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. I didn't even cry at first. I of course did later, but I told myself I had a choice to make. Would I let this break me, or strengthen me?
I was only 10 when it all happened. I wouldn't say I had it worse than a lot of kids; there are plenty of other people who struggled much more than I did. That's one of the biggest reasons I've always found it difficult to open up about the death of my father. Sometimes I feel as if I'm milking the situation, or it has become irrelevant as the years passed by, but that is far off from the fact of the matter. You see, you never stop grieving. People will come into your life and try to fill that void that was left, but no piece will ever fit just right. There isn't a time when a parent that passed away doesn't cross your mind in your triumphs and your defeats; well, at least for me. He wasn't there waiting in the crowd with a bouquet of flowers after my graduation and he won't walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. Like I said, it's a sad story, but it depends on how you read it.
Perspective changes everything. Now, I'm not writing this because it's sad and it's easy to get sympathy from, but that there is an alternate way to look at the outcome. It's easy to take something good and be thankful for it, but it's a different story to take good out of the bad.
There are always moments that challenge us to find the glass half full. It's all about making obstacles into opportunities. I wouldn't be pushing myself to do the right thing or try to put others before myself if it wasn't for my dad. I want to be the person he raised me to be. They say calm seas never made a skilled sailor, so take advantage of the hard times. Push yourself and know things get better if you choose happiness. Life is too short to be bitter and worry over the things you can't change. It's easy to agree, that Grey’s Anatomy said it best:
“They say death is hardest on the living. It’s tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes, it’s impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss. It’s what makes things so bittersweet. We leave little bits of ourselves behind, little reminders. A lifetime of memories, photos, trinkets. Things to remember us by even when we’re gone.”
The day is yours, so what will you make of it? The future is promised to no one.
