This is probably the hundredth article of its kind that you’ve read. By now, students of the University of North Georgia’s Dahlonega campus are probably done and over with “you know you go to UNG when” posts and articles. Yeah, we’ve all heard about how half the student body tries to avoid going outside around 5 p.m., and the other half's reciprocal freak-out about the lack of respect from people trying to dodge Retreat. I think we are all pretty familiar with how bad the parking situation is, and all of us have a not-so-secretive fiery hatred for parking services. And, of course, if I had a nickel for every time I heard how much everyone hates the hill to HNS, I wouldn’t need my Bachelors or an MRS degree. I’d be set for life, I could just live off of an insane amount of nickels. So this is an ode to the forgotten struggles of your average Nighthawk.

1. Every single set of stairs throughout the campus is designed for people who are either nine feet tall, or 3 foot 11 and a half.

Do I take one normal step and an awkward baby step, or do I do newborn giraffe lunges down the stairs? Seriously, who designed this place? All the stairs are about one and a half of the average human being's stride length, and it would only be comfortable to walk down the stairs if you’re Shaq or representing the Lollipop Guild.

2. Locals vs. students.

A good chunk of the locals don’t like UNG students just for being UNG students, and they are not afraid to put us on blast on the Internet. All we want to do on this stupid “Dahlonega Yardsale” Facebook group is sell an X-Box 360 to your 15-year-old son for textbook money, and honestly we’re just feeling so attacked right now. The only other time I’ve ever seen such intense Facebook arguments is about the confederate flag. Which, ironically, are usually between the same people.

3. Dahlonega brings the phrase “Taco Hell” to life.

I love Taco Bell, don’t get me wrong. I pride myself in the fact that I have had a quesarito for dinner every night for the past three days. But our Taco Bell is a special one. I know the lovely T-Bell employees are trying their best (at least -- I hope), but we could probably drive to the Taco Bell in the next town over, order our food, drive home, eat it, clean up the mess, take a shower, and read the first half of "Pride and Prejudice," and do your taxes in the same amount of time it takes to make it through the Dahlonega Taco Bell drive-thru. I lose a little bit of my self-worth every time I convince myself, It’ll be different this time, there’s only one car in front of me.”

4. We should probably rename the school the University of Butler Furniture, located in Robertaville.

Me: Hi, yes Mr. Realtor Man, I’m looking for a house or apartment for me and my friend to rent near campus. My budget is under $4 bajillion a month; and I would prefer somewhere pet-friendly, a place that rents to college students, has functional appliances, where the ceiling isn’t actively caving in, and that allows breathing inside the residence. What are my options?

Mr. Realtor man: I have one option that fits your needs, hold on let me show you a picture.

5. Your day is probably not going to go well if you go to Chick-fil-A and you don’t get a pep talk from Jim Perkins.

Nothing brings a smile to a dreary college student’s face like ordering a chicken biscuit from the happiest man on the planet. If you’re hoping for an uplifting chat to start your morning, and you miss Jim Perkins, have fun trying to salvage your crappy day.

6. You have to stay alert for weird criminals.

My all-time favorite email from public safety was to please be on the lookout for, and not purchase any jackets from, a man in a white creeper van. Noted. You can also be sure to get the living bejesus scared out of you by campus police informing you of a suspicious person hanging out in the bushes by one of the dorms with a mask on, and a camera strapped to their floral Hawaiian shirt, that ends up being a biology professor conducting an experiment about birds. And #TBT to the time they were looking for an escaped felon.

7. Trying to find someone to hang out with on the weekends.

They don’t call us a suitcase school for nothing. On the weekends, a lot of people go home. If they didn’t go home, they’re probably busy working. That’s why finding a place to live where you can have a cat to keep you company is a major key alert.

8. Our motto should be, “We don’t have that.”

Welcome to UNG, where “we don’t have that.” When you go back home and visit all your high school friends that attend bigger universities, you catch yourself saying those four words an awful lot. Greek housing? We don’t have that. Night life? We don’t have that. The sorority you’re a legacy of? We don’t have that. Enough classes to support the rapidly expanding student body? We don’t have that.