There’s no denying that technology is useful in communication. At no other time in history have we been able to FaceTime our friends in other countries, or text our aunt who lives 3,000 miles away from us. We all love those heartwarming commercials that show a military dad FaceTiming his adorable baby girl, or the grandparents who live far away reading a bedtime story to their grandkids. We can communicate with the people we love any time, day or night, through a multitude of different mobile services. We can call, text, Skype, Snapchat, iMessage, and post.
Even though this ability to connect anytime we want is a blessing, it isn’t the same as actually being there in the flesh to experience something. Our friend could bring us to a wedding on FaceTime, but that isn’t the same as being at the wedding, tasting the cake, dancing with the friends and family of the couple, and congratulating their new marriage.
If we spend all of our time connecting through a screen, there are real consequences. We lose true intimacy with the people that we care about around us. We have to make sure technology is enhancing our relationships, not replacing them. We need to make sure that we aren’t just talking more while saying less. Are we really loving others or just interacting with them and liking their posts?
In John 13:35, Jesus tells us that the way people will know we are His disciples is the way we love one another. When was the last time we called that distant friend to see how he’s doing, and actually listened? Or what about sending a handmade card? Too often we forget the blessing of hospitality – inviting others into our home to share a meal and listen to them fully.
We’re destroying intimacy and real relationships with our behind-the-screen “friendships.” Craig Groeschel, in his book "#Struggles," discusses how the term “friend” has changed over time. A friend used to be someone whom we had common interests with, someone we did life with, and someone whom we enjoyed spending time with. Now, a friend is someone we’ve never actually met in real life or people who follow you on Twitter, but you don’t follow them back. Craig points out that the average American Facebook user has 338 Facebook friends but only two friends that they actually consider to be close. A shocking 25 percent of Americans say they have zero close friends! Technology is supposed to save time, yet we seem to have even less time -- at least for really relating to people.
We have the power to do friendships on our own terms. If my friend Megan texts me, I have options. I can read her text right away, or I can choose to read it later. I can reply as soon as I read it, or I could reply later. I can even choose not to reply at all. I have complete power over what I do or don’t do regarding my friendships. On Instagram, I have the power to decide if Sam’s newest picture is "like"-worthy or not. I could simply keep on scrolling. I am in complete control of our relationship -- I control what you see about me and my life on social media. If I don’t want to respond to something you write on my wall, I don’t have to. If you post too many selfies, or post too much, I can unfollow you. This control is changing how we manage relationships. Friendships don’t mean what they used to mean.
We’re addicted to immediate affirmation. When we post something, we constantly check for new likes or retweets, then feel sad if the number isn’t as high as we think it should be. “Where is everyone? Why didn’t so-and-so like my post? I’m going to stop liking her pictures because she didn’t like my post.” Sociologists call this “deferred loneliness.” We are trying to meet a short-term need, but in the process, we’re deferring a deeper, long-term need. We ignore our basic human condition of loneliness, and the opportunity of loneliness that drives us toward real relationships. We're living for likes, but we're longing for love.
I hope this has struck something in your mind and left you wondering what we can do to cultivate intimacy in real friendships, or how to be good stewards of social media. Read my article next week to find out how to fix this problem!
