The Struggle Of Starting Again
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

The Struggle Of Starting Again

Because the struggle to begin again isn't as easy as it depicted in the movies.

9
The Struggle Of Starting Again
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/ae/0b/d9/ae0bd98ffed61f15845e116e27ffbaeb.jpg

I was in a relationship for over four years. I have been single for a year now, however I still find myself struggling. I find myself being afraid to welcome new people into my life, smiling too much in their presence when I do, and getting attached to them. Even with a year of healing time, I find myself confused, nervous, anxious, and unable to completely commit to something as intense as my last. Starting again is hard and I am not really sure if I am doing it right.

The heartbreak I experienced had me wondering where it all went wrong, from crying on the bathroom floor and then pretending like everything was okay — the break up was drawn out and super complicated. I remember repeating the same abusive cycle of breaking down then fixing the problem multiple times. I can say I really tried to make it work and I didn't give up on something that meant a lot. I couldn't come to a conclusion when it came to understanding why I would give up on something I once spent so much time on to keep going. It affected my emotional, physical, and societal well being.

Now that I have nothing to loose, am free from the negative influence the break up had on me, and have regained love in myself —I am ready to start again.

I didn't change, I just found myself. I recovered and discovered new things that nourished my soul and brought me joy. Writing has been a strong outlet to help me resurrect my love for myself. Aside from writing, I have noticed meditating, reconstructing my relationships with friends and family, and reading psychologically advancing books have helped me feel like a stronger more superior person that I was after my relationship ended.

However, I must admit I feel anxious about my new beginnings. When I look at the bright side of things, I can say there is no such thing as "going back to square one." Although I feel like I am starting over, I have gained more knowledge, strength, and power.

But it's weird because I feel like I can't. Like I don't know how. Like I am doing it wrong. I feel ashamed for beginning again, for taking the steps to find someone else, for building something bigger and better than before. It's easy to replay how things didn't work, how much I have lost, or how angry I was. There is no conversation or magic that will wipe my slate clean. I know I am wasting valuable time and energy that could be used to regain a new normal and start another version of my life. I am trying to face what has happen and make the decision to start over again but why hasn't it worked out? I honestly don't think I'll believe I can truly start again until I meet someone who turns all my unresolved conflicts with love to another direction.

I need to stop kicking myself when I am down, when I am up, or when I am in between. It's time for a new beginning.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

57429
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

37005
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

958744
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

190850
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments