I can barely remember a Sunday from my childhood that did not include going to Church.

On Wednesdays we would go to church for Wednesday Night Supper.

On Sundays we would go to Sunday School and Church.

We prayed before eating. I prayed before bed. In my head, I was a Christian. I was doing everything on the "checklist" to be considered a good and faithful Christian. But what I missed was the most important part of being a Christian.

I didn't know Jesus. I knew the Bible Stories, of course. But, I didn't know him in my heart.

It wasn't until the summer going into 7th grade that I finally met Jesus. I remember coming back from my summer camp in the mountains of North Carolina (shoutout to Camp Hollymont for Girls) and sitting on my bed and opening my Bible and for the first time, I really, truly met Jesus. For the first time, I genuinely accepted Jesus to come in my heart and that moment started our relationship together. It was the first time I wasn’t just going through the motions of Christianity.

I wish I could tell you that from that moment on everything was perfect and that Jesus fixed my life and that nothing bad ever happened and that I was the perfect Christian and I had the whole Jesus thing figured out and that I knew everything about life and God. But, that is the farthest thing that happened to me because what I have learned is that Jesus doesn’t “fix” your problems.

Accepting Jesus is the first step in a long journey down a rough road that ultimately leads to glory.

But nowhere in the Bible or in any teachings does it promise that the road to Heaven is easy. It is the farthest thing from easy. It is hard. Like really hard. But it is worth it. And that is the reason we, as Christians, are willing to go down the windy, bumpy road. Because we know that what we find at the end of the road is far greater than any struggle we go through now.

So my relationship with Jesus has been really hard. We have had our highs and lows. I have “broken up” with him a few times. I have pretended to be a Christian when I really was doubting him. My entire senior year of high school I was the head of our Chapel Program and was supposed to be some role model for the other students who had questions about Jesus, but during that entire time, I was just going through the motions. Looking back, I don’t even know if I would consider myself a Christian, yet I was pretending to be because that's what I had to do. So every Friday I would lead the chapel program and led 500 people in saying these words that I didn’t even know anymore.

But the thing about Jesus is that while I wanted a break from our relationship, he never did. He stayed with me, even when I didn’t want him. He is so faithful. And I never understood that to be more true than when He constantly pursued me, even when I wanted nothing to do with him.

Christianity is a struggle. You are constantly doubting, being doubted, questioning, being questioned, believing, and not believing. But in the end, He is still there. He is so faithful and wants you to doubt and wants you to ask questions. Because when we doubt and when we are low, that's when our relationship grows.