The purpose of a bar is to create a fun space of safe drinking, maybe some good grub, camaraderie and positive experiences. Gay bars are that this plus a space where gay men, lesbians and other queer folks can pursue people with similar desires. These bars provide a space from the ever-present heterosexual dynamic of the world. We can talk, flirt, dance, watch a show, get a drink, all with our queer comrades in tow, without the judgmental gaze, sneers, jeers and even unwanted support.
Recently, a huge influx of straight women in the gay bar and club scene has changed this dynamic. Straight women at gar bars is nothing new. Straight women have always been positive allies, earning nicknames such as fruit flies and fag hags. The divas of the world, who are versed in the language of gayness, allies, who act like natives in their surroundings. However, this recent influx has ruffled quite a few gay feathers and has opened up the discussion of how straight people should behave in queer spaces or whether they should be there at all. In my opinion, it is not a question of whether or not they should attend, but rather a question of the behavior of these people within the queer space.
A trusted source in this matter are the queens who entertain us so well. Drag queens have been super troopers in response to to this influx of straight women. Like I said before, and they would agree that, if you're respectful, tip the queen, or the bartender, and hopefully enjoy the performance, stick around, and come back for another one. However, it is the 30 person bachelorette party that includes straight women stumbling on the stage, taking away from the performance, from what the queen is supposed to be doing. She is supposed to be performing and entertaining the audience. Other patrons of the bar verbally dismiss this bachelorette and hiss, but she just keeps on dancing on the stage, disrupting the entire show. I know what you may be thinking -- call it gay intuition -- this is an isolated incident. I wish it was. But this is happening at least once a week, according to fabulous New York drag queen Miz Cracker. It has turned gay bars into a straight jungle.
More often, these women are not the divas, not the fruit flies, but are experiencing gay culture for the first time. They are like enthusiastic tourists. What they thought they knew about gay culture, which is repackaged by mainstream, masculinist society, falls away. They are naive about this fully-integrated gay world, which is not a cabaret, but rather a straight up gay bar. I would like to be forward and say that neither this article, nor the response from many queers is a result of hetero-phobia. It is not about the presence of straight women in gay bars. It is about the behavior of these spaces. Altering spaces, changing their identities, straight people behaving badly. As drag queen Marti Gould Cummings said recently, she would be thrown out of a "straight space" for the same behavior. Thrown out swiftly and quickly. It is not just physical behaviors, but it's the drove of office girls saying, "I am a gay man in a woman's body," "If you were straight, I would kiss you," and so on, creating an awkward space and possibly ruining a night for some gay patrons.
Straight guys, I am not leaving you out. It's just that based on statistics you are less likely than straight women to be at these bars. If you find yourself in a queer space, just be yourself. However, you are in a queer space, a space, where, for once, we are assuming that the people in the space are also queer like us. So, if you get hit on or approached or something, do not act crazy, You're the one who came to a gay bar. We will welcome you with open arms, just be cool.
Overall, this issue cannot be solved in one article. The balancing act of hetero-homo relations is out of the reach of my young hands. I cannot say to gays to open their bars to all, as we deserve a place to be ourselves. I have my conclusion and I also reach back to drag queen Miz Cracker, who states on the issue, that there is still a gap between the straight and LGBTQ world. Remember this when the gay boy brings 10 girls from the office, or as you plan your girls' night out. My overall advice, is to respect the space, respect the patrons, enjoy your experience and sit down.
Here is a link to an article by New York City drag queen Miz Cracker. Check out Marti Gould Cummings on social media, specifically Instagram where I found her opinion at @martigcummings.
