They say that the hardest part about solving a problem is admitting that there is one. This could not be truer for me. For three years I had kept my emotions bottled up inside of me with the fear that others would not understand. To my friends and the rest of my school I was known as the girl who could never stop laughing and smiling, but if only they knew my world was crumbling from the inside out. Before my junior year, I never once considered how much better my life would be if I could just speak up and tell someone how I was feeling.
Even though I always had a few friends, it felt as if I was always alone. After entering high school, my best friend and I “broke up” and I felt that there was no way I would be able to find someone else who would understand me as much as she did. From there my life went spiraling out of control only to land in the deepest, darkest hole.
After this, three of my four grandparents passed away unexpectedly in the coming years. Although I was not very close with them my heart still ached for what felt like an eternity of pain. At that time I did not have many friends to confide in and for sure did not want to be seen as the “sad girl” in school. So, I kept everything inside. I did not tell my parents or my brother about how I would cry myself to sleep or have mental breakdowns in the school bathroom. Although it may seem like not much had happened to me, it felt like a ton of bricks was crushing my body. On top of all that and the lack of friends, I also had to deal with the stereotypical high school drama and schoolwork.
In time I was dealing with so much stress that it was not until my school guidance counselor and journalism teacher noticed my pain that I was able to get the help I needed. Of course, I was worried of what my peers would think of me having meetings with the guidance counselor because I did not want to deal with rumors that spread like wildfire in my small school. I was reluctant to face my problems because they scared me so much I thought ignoring them would make them go away. At first, I ignored every piece of advice anyone gave me because “how could anyone understand what I was going through?” But finally, I realized how much of an unhappy person I had become, which led me to open myself up to the help I needed.
Once I dealt with my personal problems, my world brightened up. I finally allowed myself to find a good group of friends that I knew I could trust and would understand me. I moved on and found a new best friend who was there with me through thick and thin. My relationship with my family also improved. Since I am just about to graduate high school and go to Brandeis University in the fall, I know that this is only the beginning of my life and that there will be many more obstacles that I must overcome. I am definitely in a much better place than I was just a few years ago thanks to the wonderful people that came into my life at the perfect time to save me. I now feel strong and confident to tackle any problems I may face in my first year at Brandeis because I have a support system ready to catch me if I ever fall again.
P.S. You are not alone. Keep fighting because the light at the end of the tunnel is worth the battle.
