As your sophomore year comes to a close, the pressure of a post-graduation future looms overhead like a head-mounted pancake. With college halfway through, you'll soon be in the real world with an adult and responsibilities. But there's still so much you've wanted to do: places to eat, people to go, food to see! Embracing the 45-year-old within you, you begin the five stages of your mid-college crisis.
1. Reflecting on what you haven't accomplished
As you realize how far you've come, you begin to reminisce on what you've done. You've chosen your major, joined some fabulous club, and have had your fair share of notable achievements. But soon, the proud pats on the back turn into a wave of worries over what you haven't accomplished. Has college really been the best four years of your life? Have you really done something memorable? What crazy stories are you going to tell your kids? You are going to seem like the really boring parent when you're older.
2. Doubting the rest of your decisions, followed by an emotional spiral
The what-ifs begin to mount as your retrospection spills over into general doubt about all your previous life decisions.
Would things be better if you had chosen a different school? Or perhaps it was your major? Maybe you should have kept up with that Zumba program, asked that one guy or gal out to dinner, or stuck to that "all-natural" diet you've been reading about. Oh what's the point in trying, you've already missed on out so much the last couple year -- and the thoughts come to a halt as you fall face-first into the pillow.
3. You resolve to do something zany, young, and reckless
After a long weekend of isolated contemplation and Netflix, you emerge from your dorm room hovel a changed individual. With renewed gumption, you set out to make amends for having so callously wasted the last few semesters. Striding confidently onto campus, you quick make plans to start committing to that club you signed up for at the beginning of the semester. All those cool public events you've been invited to on Facebook? Marked as going. This is so easy, why haven't you been able to all of this before?
4. You start to remember why you don't do all the things
Fast forward a few days later. You're tired, perhaps even a little cranky. Sure, you're behind on work, you haven't slept for more than four hours, but at least you went to that outdoor garden with the fancy foods. Totally worth it, even if the proportions would make a Frenchman accuse the chef of skimping on portions.
Oh who are you kidding? Present-you is even more miserable than past-you. Yes you've done all these things, but has it really been that fun? You don't really enjoy stretching, let alone competitive yoga. Maybe it's time to settle down and get back to basics.
5. Coming to terms with getting old
Two weeks of experimentation and we're back to square one. You come to the conclusion that, yes, life hasn't always been a series of back-to-back ecstasy-producing thrills, and that's OK, because that's normal. The good times were good because it wasn't about proving something to yourself -- it was about doing things you love with the people you care about. If growing old is learning to accept that, maybe it isn't such a bad thing after all.
