Most people are unaware that I have battled with this relentless demon for most of my life... curly hair. I have been able to mask my natural ringlets by straightening and blow drying until my fingers cramp and my hair singes; all in hopes that no one be privy to my wild mane.
Many who have been blessed with a more "tame" look claim they wish they had curly hair. The grass is always greener on the other side right? Wrong.
There are a few things only ladies with curly locks can understand. The absurd amount of money we throw away on products is enough to drive us to the streets. The time wasted attempting to control the frizz is maddening, and the unending taming tips received from anyone and everyone has forced most of us to camouflage our natural kink.
The struggle is very real and and controls our daily life, here are the stages of those affected...
1. Denial
"This look took me no time at all", "I woke up like this"- these are the tell tale signs of a curly haired chick in denial. She doesn't want others to know this simple look actually took her hours, she'd appear high maintenance. Even when new friends find evidence of her kinky hair- such as a stockpile of products and a freshly used flat iron, she will say "they're my roommates" or "oh, I hardly use that". She's rejecting the wig she was born with and asking you to hop on the denial train too.
2. Anger
Most will cope with this stage their whole life. It is the achilles heel of the curly haired woman. They're angry when they finally go au naturale and someone calls them "Medusa", or spits water out of their nose in utter shock from seeing their waves for the first time (both personal and traumatizing incidents). They're angry about all of the time they spent grooming so they can look like "normal". And, they are especially angry when it is rainy and humid- for these are the conditions that reveal what they truly are- curly, frizzy, and big.
3. Bargaining
The previously mentioned conditions of humidity and rain aren't the only disasters that can send her out of sorts. A crowded party, a long walk, even a cramped cab ride spell trouble- her hair is about to grow exponentially. She can't turn back time and seal that 'doo with hairspray- she needs a new game plan. Most of us keep a hair-tie on our person at all times, but, if she has failed to do so, negotiating is her only ally. She will do your laundry, clean your apartment, retrieve the last of her clothes from her ex, almost anything. All in hopes that you will simply fork over your elastic, your hat, your barrette, anything to suppress the inevitable frizz.
4. Depression
Pure sadness, wondering why she even bothers when her hair poofs up like a bad 80's perm from the slightest contact with moisture. "Why can't I hop out of the shower and be flawless?" "Why can't they wait 2 hours while I beautify?" "Why does no one understand the struggle?!" As my father says, "life's a bitch, then you die". This outlook consumes the spirit of a curly headed girl when she spirals into the deep depression that comes with a life controlled by a straightener.
5. Acceptance
A beautiful and monumental moment in the life of every curly-locked lady. Acceptance. Letting your hair take on its natural form, even if it scares people. Allowing others to see the real you- every spiraled hair on your head. Sure, your day-to-day beauty regimen will never be easy in comparison to your smooth headed friends, but they will never get to rock a natural T-Swift look like you.
The battle of the curl affects more women than many are aware of. We hide behind banana clips and Brazilian blowouts. Both us, and our pocketbooks are controlled by the rigid bitch that is hair product. Not to mention, finding a stylist that can manage our voluptuous locks is like finding a boyfriend in a frat house- it usually ends in disappointment.
But, if and when curls are "in" again, you and your ringlets are ready. Someday we will revel in hypocritical joy as our straight-haired counterparts envy us. They can enjoy hopelessly toiling with a curling iron and teasing brush, 'cause you woke up flawless.
