Since 2007, I’ve had a phone. Whether it was a flip phone or an iPhone (R.I.P. to my LG Chocolate), I’ve spent most of my days from teenager into adulthood texting, taking pictures, scrolling through Instagram and screenshotting funny memes to send to my friends. My phone is never off, always needs to be charged, and is rarely more than an arms reach away from me. I know it’s bad, but how can you help it? I’m so used to doing everything and anything on my phone, it’s hard to imagine life without it. Even the mindless hours spent scrolling through social media first thing in the morning and right before bed—is that even necessary? No, but it’s just what I do.
So when my phone dipped into a millimeter of salt water while I was on vacation and turned off for good, I panicked, as I’m sure any millennial would. How do I take pictures? What am I supposed to do on the bus ride back to the hotel? How can I get in touch with anyone? Is this the end of the world? The state of panic continued as I worked through the stages of grief being without a phone for the next 3 days. Yes 3 days, I’m a #survivor.
Phase 1: Emotional Overload
The second my phone turned off, I was in denial. After failing to turn it back on, I had no choice but to accept my fate and prepare for a meltdown. But no, Tiffany, you’re an adult. No meltdowns in public. Instead, I put on my sunglasses and ate about 10 cookies (adult meltdown) while falling apart on the inside
Phase 2: How the Other Half Lives
By now, every minute feels like an hour. Look at all of the normal people on their normal phones being so normal. Have you ever noticed how much time people spend on their phones? Take a vacation, subtract 1 phone and then you’ll see.
Phase 3: Phantom Notifications
Did someone like my photo on Instagram? Did my phone just ring? Wait. No it didn’t. Because I don’t have a phone. Because I broke it. But I still can hear it, I swear. I can’t be the only one with phantom notifications. You know when you swear you just felt your phone vibrate when it actually didn’t? Times that by 1000 when you DONT HAVE A PHONE. *Counts backwards from 10 to calm down.*
Phase 4: Is This the Meaning of Life?
After the first few hours (yes it hasn’t even been a full day) of freaking out winds down, you start to see life in a whole new light. The sky is so blue! Nature is beautiful. When was the last time I spent a few minutes completely alone, without technology? It’s actually kind of nice. Now is about the time your friends ask if you’re okay. “You just left the house and went out without your phone? “How are you not freaking out about not having a phone?” “You don’t miss it?” Surprisingly, No.
Phase 5: I Take It Back
I take it all back. As the guy at Verizon hands me my new phone, I swear it's glowing. How did I live without a phone for so long? Three 3 days felt like 3 years. But none of that matters anymore, because I am now reachable by phone again 24/7. Can I be excused from the rest of the day? Give me all the apps, and a few hours, while I catch up on life.
