It really isn’t hard to see why it is difficult for children of immigrants like us to adjust. The truth is, times are changing quickly. So many of the societal norms that were set in place, even just 20 or 30 years ago, are being rapidly broken down. This kind of change is overwhelming, especially when you throw in the cultural standards of the country your family immigrated from. It’s a constant battle to try to appease both standards we have in place for ourselves. On one hand, there are the American cultural norms of the 21st century. It is no longer completely frowned upon to date or engage in sexual activity before marriage. There is far more of an emphasis on individualism in American culture, and Americans pride on being self-reliant. Whereas in India, it is still considered taboo to partake in such activities or display PDA with a significant other. Indians also seem to value family cohesiveness and traditions more so than western culture does. Living in a joint family (where relatives live together in the same compound) is fairly normal, and taking care of parents is a duty a child must bear when they grow older. Yet, there have been dramatic alterations in societal standards.
Let’s take arranged marriage as an example of the changing phenomenon. Before, parents hand-picked a spouse for their child, and the child didn’t have much say. It was, essentially, a marriage alliance, a deal enacted between two families. Often, the groom and bride barely knew each other; they were just expected to figure it out along the way.
Now, arranged marriage functions more as a matchmaking service. The parents show who they approve of already, but their child can decide whether or not they want to marry that person. My parents, who had an arranged marriage, have told me I have the right to say no to a potential alliance and date them for however long before I decide. It’s quite lax compared to what it used to be decades ago, but it’s still considered very restricting in western culture.
That’s probably where the biggest issue comes into play: What parts – our American identity or our cultural heritage – do we choose? We try to pick certain aspects of each to retain hope that they all blend together in some sort of harmony. Often times, though, the part we choose is in complete contrast, and that’s where the war starts. Fighting with parents for certain western cultural rights, marrying who you love, choosing the career path of your choice and learning to become independent are many prices we pay.
Yet, we continue to do it because we are painfully aware that things aren’t the way they used to be. And often times, it’s one of the most gratifying things we could ever do because we are paving the way for future generations. By breaking the barriers, we can finally move with the changing times while still maintaining our cultural identity.
