I like working out, but I don't like going to the gym.
The gym has become the ultimate place to see and be seen (or SABS, if you prefer). Huge glass windows allow passersby to peer in and take a quick inventory of who is doing what or how many machines are free.
The transformation of the gym through the fish-bowl effect of these windows becomes reinforced by the self-aware performance of others within this space. I've noticed that in this aquarium, one can find a variety of tendencies among gym-goers, a variety of species:
1.) The Personal Trainer Type. He or she is undeniably jacked and knows it. This type also generally has great gym etiquette and while some people may be intimidated by them, I welcome their presence as the physical embodiment of my perspiration-covered aspirations.
2.) The Bros. They were definitely the star of some junior varsity team at one point in their life and like the socializing aspect of going to the gym to lift and make some gains. They will most likely be seen hogging the squat rack and running one mile on the treadmill.
3.) The Health-conscious Professor. Almost always spotted on the elliptical or the exercise bike, doing cardio while watching Bloomberg or reading PDFs or the Economist. The looks of concentration they have while working out are really eerily similar to when they temporarily lose their train of thought during class or pause to answer a question.
4.) The Person that Doesn't Sweat. Who are you? Where did you come from? Are you okay?
5.) The Socialite(s). Almost always working out in a pack, these types live and die by the idea of having a work out buddy to go to the gym. If they are going solo that day they may be found talking on the phone while on the elliptical or while speed-walking on an incline.
6.) The Fashionista. Neon, neon everything. They definitely spent more than $60 on their gym outfit, an outfit that you are intended to progressively ruin with sweat. But hey, dress to impress the bench press.
7.) The Slightly Confused Gym-goer. Most likely to wear jeans to the gym and be seen walking on the treadmill or casually on the elliptical. They have a look like they accidentally walked into the gym but had already grabbed a towel before they realized their mistake.
8.) The People Who Need To Take it Down a Notch. Most likely to be seen grasping the handles of the treadmill with the speed set on 10 miles per hour.
9.) The People Who Just Work Out. Thank you. Thank you for wearing your free t-shirts you got from some event as your workout gear of choice. Thank you for coming to the gym because it is a part of your normal routine and not because someone forced you to do so.
So until the day that I have my own home gym, you can see me in a free shirt from Penn and old shorts trying to get a workout in before class and not be seen.
