Growing up in a broken household, my siblings and I have seen more than our fair share of dark days. However, that does not mean the divorce was wholly a bad thing. While, yes, we all hope to marry THE ONE the first time around, sometimes mistakes happen, people change, and hard decisions need to be made. And sometimes, choosing to stick it out simply forms a toxic atmosphere that smothers parents and children alike.
Although very few things can truly be universally applied to all situations, each divorce coming with its own form of baggage, I’ve tried to distill a few aspects of my own parents’ divorce that have made for an interesting lifestyle. I am in no way condoning or supporting divorce, but sometimes, depending on the circumstance, you just have to sit down and type out a list to your parents that says, “See? It kind of worked out after all. I am going to be just fine.”
1. Without a spouse to confide in, our mother often brought us children into the decision making process of the household. It was very democratic, with my mother only occasionally forced to pull rank and make an executive decision regarding our welfare.
2. Children of divorce are given the opportunity to see their parents as raw, living human beings who cannot always conform to the rigors of social structures or institutions, whatever their reasons may be—and we shouldn’t ask them to. It allows us to see beyond the social construct and decide upon the most beneficial course of action beyond superficial appearances.
3. Your options are not as limited as they might have been. If you find yourself living in a town or stuck in a way of life that simply doesn’t suit you, you may be able to call up Parent #2 and see if you can crash on their couch for a while. Sample a different lifestyle.
4. We were instilled with the sense of what consequences could come from our actions. Something as easy as falling in love can become a pit of quicksand fast if you don’t take the time to assess your feelings, what you truly want out of life, and if you can actually see yourself fulfill your goals with the person who is currently holding your hand. Better to say goodbye now than be squabbling over alimony checks further down the line.
5. Make as many back-up plans as possible. Although my parents came from the same small town, they wound up taking very different paths in their lives. One of which being as blatant as choosing to live in the city or the countryside. I have been able to watch their unique struggles and apply their individual wisdom to my own life, from how to plan a career to how to make a beef roast.
6. There is real value in honesty. To be honest with yourself in any given situation, as well as with the people around you. To continue living in a lie can mean harm to the ones you love as well as yourself. If you thought that color of a couch was ugly in the store, you should have told your partner so before you agreed to put it in your living room and let it become just another thing that will ultimately fester into a bigger problem between you.
7. Lastly, you learn the undeniable value of family. You are careful, making certain not to repeat the mistakes of the past that might lead to a vicious cycle of divorce in your own future. You realize that you want your children to grow up to have both of their parents living under the same room. That, somewhere down the line, even if you feel a tinge of guilt when you’ve left the kids at home with the babysitter while you’re out having a good old fashioned date night with your significant other, you can rest assured that your children know what a loving, wholesome relationship can look like.
