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Politics and Activism

The Astrological Signs As Political Figures

Now, I don't have any expertise in astrology, I'm just winging it.

Briana Boyd
Nov 23, 2016
University of Virginia
892
The Astrological Signs As Political Figures

The signs as political figures! What can be more fun!? Which lucky sign is Bernie Sanders? Which sign is the evil Mike Pence (Taurus. I hate Tauruses)?! Now, I don't have any expertise in astrology, I'm just winging it.

1. Aquarius:

Aquariuses are Joe Biden because they're progressive, humanitarians, and independent. Plus my best friend is an Aquarius and she reminds me of Joe sometimes.

2. Pisces:

BERNIE!!!!!!!!!!!! Pisces are Bernie because they're known for their wisdom but are so nice that they often become martyrs (DNC, I'm looking at you right now).

3. Aries:

No offense on this one. Aries are Sarah Palin because they are courageous, determined, enthusiastic, and optimistic. Sarah honestly thought that she would run for president, if that's not optimism, considering her levels of intelligence, I don't know what is.

4. Taurus:

I hate Mike Pence like I hate Tauruses. You all suck.

5. Gemini:

Most politicians are two-faced like geminis, but Hillary takes the cake. She is the biggest two-faced b*tch, a wonderful manipulator, sneaky (I can say this because I am a gemini) and I love her for it.

6. Cancer:

Tim Kaine! Cancers are Kaine because I don't know anything about him just like I don't know anything about cancers!

7. Leo:

Ya'll are Trump because you both are arrogant, stubborn, self-centered, enjoy expensive things, and inflexible. However, you both are also creative, passionate, and are considered to be the "kings of the jungle."

8. Virgo:

You guys are Obama! You are analytical, kind, and hardworking. Just like Obama, you are methodical, careful, and fucking awesome.

9. Libra:

You all are Debbie Wasserman Schultz because you both are cooperative (just like how she cooperated with Hillary) social, and diplomatic. But Libras are just knock off Geminis tbh.

10. Scorpio:

Congrats!!! If this was a game, you'd win because you are Vermin Supreme!! You both are resourceful, brave, passionate, and a true-friend.

11. Sagittarius:

You are Anthony Weiner! Your enthusiasm has NO bounds. You have an open mind and a philosophical view on the world. And, who knows, maybe you both like to take dick pics as well.

12. Capricorn:

You're Mitt Romney! You both are responsible, disciplined, have amazing self-control, and a natural leader. However, you both are also know-it-alls, condescending, and traditionalists!

Maybe none of this is correct, but I just hope that you walk away with the message that tauruses suck.

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