I have those moments where everything comes crashing down on me. I take things to heart and make things up in my head. I think the worst in situations, or worse, I overthink in situations. I have delicate armor around my emotions, and even the smallest papercut can inflict waves of damage to my emotions. I didn’t ask to be like this – I just am.
I’m the sensitive one. I will spend hours on end fighting back tears just because I saw a sad video covering animal abuse. I will say something risky, and then spend all night overthinking situations that could arise because I opened my mouth. I will get hurt when I feel excluded, even though it may not have been your intention. I will insist everything is okay, even if it's written on my face that I'm about to fall apart. I imagine the wrong tone of voice during a text conversation and get hurt. I take trash talking to heart and end up crying because of it.
I’m a delicate flower afraid of being trampled. I hate the fact that I get upset by the smallest things, and I hate the fact that I take every little joke to heart. I try to change myself, but I fall short, and end right back in square one. I constantly try to put up this defense that I am tougher than I look, and that I can brush it off, but that's not who I am. I will cry when I am alone because of small build-ups throughout the day. Some days, my sensitivity is at a low, and I can take a joke. Other days, my sensitivity can barely take someone jokingly saying, "You weren't invited."
My sensitivity goes hand-in-hand with my self-esteem. I will text my significant other things like, "Are you sure you want to be with me? You can leave, you know." I get worried when I text my friends about being sad, thinking they'll finally get fed up with my complaining. The truth is, I need the reminders that I am loved, despite feeling like I've messed something up. I'm not trying to look for pity, but for my sake, I need to be reassured that I am wanted around.
Despite being a sensitive person, I try to keep my emotions in check. Some days, they get the worst of me, and it's not something I'm particularly proud of. However, my sensitive side is a part of my personality, and I am slowly learning how to love that side.
