You’ve always adored the holidays. It was an escape from reality, a friendly time filled with joy and toys as far as the eye could see. As you grow a little bit older and wiser year in and year out, that escape turns into a test of your patience as the layers of what it takes to make it through the season as an adult is really like. Let’s break down what exactly made the most wonderful time of the year into the most weirdly corky social event on your calendar.
Presents Be Gone!
Remember the irreplaceable feeling of waking up on Christmas morning to that towering pile of gifts which fulfilled your every desire? That reality may be a distant memory these days for us millennials. Nowadays we’re grateful for the gift of dodging our Christmas Eve hangovers while we watch the little nieces, nephews, and cousins rip apart their gifts with that same excitement you once had. Oh nostalgia, you cold-hearted bitch. All you come to know past twenty years of age around the holidays is more gift cards than you know what to do with.
20 Questions From Hell
They’re dreadful, to say the least. For anyone in college or older, walking through that door of your relatives house during the holidays is immediately crossing the line into a war zone. Suddenly you’re bombarded, forced to reveal every detail about your life at school and it only gets worse when they bring up the hush-hush topics such as your crazy ex-boyfriend/ girlfriend that everyone loved. Time to excuse yourself from the dinner table and go play games on your phone while dropping off the Christmas gifts down the chimney.
Work Knows No Holidays
Schools out! No responsibilities! Time to sit around and relax! That must’ve been a nice dream you were having because now your alarm is blaring in your ear on the day after Christmas. You have to be in work by ten and somehow miraculously get yourself out of bed. I hate to break it to you but Santa and his reindeer can’t help you on this one so you better ho, ho, hope you’re getting paid extra or you might be looking for a new profession by the new year.
Gift Giving Is Mandatory
Forget saving that last paycheck before the holidays, you’ll be blowing it all on one trip to the mall before you can appreciate it. We all know it feels good to give and see those genuine reactions of happiness on someone else for a change but if they only knew the trouble you had to go through in order to find that perfect gift. Knowing your procrastination is in full swing, online shopping is out of the question so you better hit the shelves and pray those handy dandy discounts work in your favor.
Contributing To Family Discussions
It’s after dinner. Everyone’s either full, drunk, or opinionated. Most of the time they’re all three. Then it begins. It could be politics, current events, or how your aunt’s macaroni casserole is dry yet again this year. As you get older you’re sucked into the warp of family talks. As a kid, they were easily avoidable but now that the adults no longer have to bite their tongue because nothing is off limits. Better make that drink a double for the moment grandpa Smithers goes off on his tangent about “back in my day day…” Please throw shade responsibly.
You Look Forward To The Drinks… Every Time
If turning twenty-one was exhilarating enough, now you get to keep the party rolling all throughout the holiday season. After an entire year of realizing things, it’s time to unwind and completely forget (blackout) about all your woe’s. You get to enjoy the structured chaos (with the help of wine) of your extended family and make many enjoyable memories for everyone to look back on and laugh (that time you drunkenly knocked over the tree).
