What is an amoeba?
It’s a single-celled organism. For years, it was known best as an asexually reproducing organism. This is why its name had been used to describe a new form of asexual organism, a multicellular creature that looks just like you and me. They are not new to existence, but they are new to us as they slowly rise to the attention of the common people. If you haven’t already guessed, I’m talking about asexual people.
What is asexuality?
Let me break it down. Sexuality is the capacity for sexual feelings or attraction. It is the root word of many terms like heterosexuality (sexual attraction to the other), homosexuality (sexual to the same), etc. The prefix “a-”, in its simplest, means “without." If sexuality is the presence of sexual attraction then asexuality is the absence of it. Asexual people are without sexual feelings or attraction.
But even that can be misleading. Asexuality is an umbrella term that encompasses many sexualities on a spectrum, some sharing commonalities and others seemingly different from one another. I cannot possibly get into all of them.
There is graysexuality where one can sometimes feel sexual attraction and sometimes not. There is demisexual where one has to know or love someone before they can feel sexual attraction. In other words, an emotional attachment has to be formed before the other feelings come about. There is even lithosexual where one can possess sexual attraction, but when it is reciprocated, the feelings go away.
Does that mean they don't like sex?
Sometimes, but asexual people are just as varied as members of any sexuality. Some people like sex more than others. Asexuality does not mean a person is incapable of having sex or incapable of enjoying sex. Many have all the right organs in all the right places and possess a healthy libido. It’s a matter of preference.
Let me quickly distinguish between sexuality and sex drive, or libido. Sexuality is a matter of what sexually attracts someone. Libido is a biological drive that makes a body react to certain stimuli. Just because some asexual people are not attracted to anyone, it doesn’t mean their body can’t be aroused. Sexuality makes you see someone and think, I want to have sex with that person (in probably more colorful words). Many asexual people don’t have that sexual pull. However, the body can still react to certain things that can get it going.
There is another spectrum within asexuality that stretches from sex repulsed to sexually interested or enthusiastic. Sex can be a pleasurable activity, and just because one does not feel sexual attraction, it doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy the act of sex. It could be out of curiosity. It could be because they have an undirected libido, or it could be a way of connecting with a partner who could be more sexually inclined. Some just really like it, but there are those who don’t.
Sex repulsed asexuals can have many reasons for not liking sex or the idea of it. It could be crude to them. They may not like the fluids that are involved. They may not see the point in it, or they don’t understand why others do. It might even be that they just don’t like it. That’s up to them. They have their reasons. You let them be them just as the sexually interested and all those in between are themselves.
Does that mean they don’t date or fall in love?
Again, sometimes. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two different things, though they tend to overlap or get lost in the translation. Sexual attraction is the sexual feelings one has. Romantic attraction is the want to romantically be with someone, doing some or all (or none) of the romantic things that fall outside the sexual realm (i.e. kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc.) You can be asexual and still fall in love or want to be with someone. Not always though.
As there are asexual people, there are aromantic people. I’m pretty sure I don’t have to break down the whole prefix and root thing again. It is a person who doesn’t experience romantic attraction. They can love people and want to be with people, but it is usually in a platonic (unromantic or friendly feelings) or queerplatonic (straddles the romantic and platonic fence in expression but still is mainly unromantic) sense. They can skip the whole romance aspect of the equation. They may even have squishes, a form of crush (a romantic attraction or fixation) that consists of platonic feelings and involves the intense desire to be around someone.
There are, of course, the romantics of the asexual community (romantics and aromantics go beyond asexuality, but that is the topic we are focussing on, so shh…) As in the case of aromantic, romantic can also carry some familiar prefixes: heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, etc. You do the linguistic morphology stuff. I hope you have caught on by now.
Asexual people can fall in love. They can date. They can get married, have kids, and do the whole shebang. It all depends on the asexual person you are talking to. Humans are innately complex. Your sexuality or lack of one cannot instantly define you.
How do you know if someone is asexual?
Just look for the one cringing when you talk about sex.
Kidding. Like most sexualities, you can’t just tell who likes who and in what way by looking at them. There is no “acedar." Sometimes, you have to ask or just don’t. Does it matter?
There are some ways people choose to express their asexuality though. They could choose to display the colors of the asexual flag which consists of purple, black, white, and gray. Some wear a black ring on their right middle finger as a sign of asexual pride. That is not to be confused with the black ring worn on any other finger by members of the swinging community. There is a mutual agreement that the middle finger on the right hand is for the asexual community.
Fun fact: the aromantic flag is two shades of green, white, gray, and black. Sometimes, the white is replaced with yellow. Both the flag of asexuals and aromantics have meanings assigned to each color. Look it up if you’re interested.
What if they just haven’t found the right person yet?
There are many misconceptions that label asexual people as “late bloomers." First off, you have asexual people of all ages. For some, if they haven’t bloomed yet, it just isn’t happening.
Asexual people do not need to find the right person to be fixed. They don’t need to be fixed. Right implies that something was wrong before. It is possible to just not feel sexual attraction. Someone isn’t just going to fall into their lives, and suddenly, all the latent or repressed sexual attraction is going to erupt to the surface as they discover all they hadn’t known before. It doesn’t work that way.
While I’m on that note, I must point out that people change in many ways as they age or go through life. Preferences change, people go in and out of your lives, etc. Circumstances change, and sometimes, so does attraction. Some people who were asexual may one day find themselves not as unattracted as they had been before, and vice versa. Some sexual people find they aren’t feeling it anymore, or they are feeling it for some they hadn’t felt it for before. It was not repression before. People shift and go through stages. People don’t just fall off the spectrum. They slide.
Also, asexual people are not just unattractive people who can’t get sex, suffering from medical conditions, were sexually abused, etc. Some are true (or just rudely untrue), and that has to be acknowledged. That, however, cannot be the explanation to excuse or explain away asexuality. It is real, and it can change, shift, or stem from many factors.
Why haven’t I really heard about this before?
Well, even though asexuality isn’t new, it is newly coming to the attention of the population. Previously, there had been no term or definition to describe this “phenomenon." People didn’t know why they didn’t feel sexual attraction. Some thought they were different or broken. Some didn’t care. Others never noticed or thought they were just themselves. People were pushed into marriages or celibate lives. It’s been there, but it just was never coined. It is now.
Asexual people are believed to be 1 percent of the human population. However, that is an underestimation, and that number is slowly growing as people become more aware of asexuality. Sometimes, it is hard to identify what isn’t there in you or what you don’t know about. That’s why it is important to spread awareness, so people don’t feel alone or wrong. All the other sexuality groups are so loud and well-known that the asexual community is often talked over, discredited, or told to keep quiet because they aren’t real or they’re just looking for attention or they can’t speak up yet because they are too much or too odd for people to swallow.
What’s the point of being quiet? You speaking up, sharing what you know, or supporting a friend can go a long way in bringing this community out of the shadows. It’s time for these walking, talking amoebas to be in the limelight.
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Some general terms you should know:
Ace: a shortening or coined term for asexual.
Amoeba: a single-celled organism; an increasingly outdated term to describe asexuals.
Aro: a shortening or coined term for aromantic.
Aromantic: the lack or absence of romantic attraction.
Arousal: the reaction of the body to physical or sexual stimuli.
Asexuality: the lack or absence of sexual attraction. It is an umbrella term that encompasses a broad spectrum of sexualities that have their own idiosyncrasies.
Crush: a romantic attraction or fixation.
Libido: biological drive to have sex or engage in sexual activities.
Platonic: friendly or nonromantic feelings.
Queerplatonic: feelings that remain mostly on the platonic side but is expressed in ways that can be confused as romantic.
Squish: a platonic attraction or fixation.
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If you have more questions about asexuality or you want to know more, there are many online resources, including AVEN: the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. Its primary goal is to spread awareness and educate people about asexuality and the community. It is for asexuals, sexuals, and those who have no idea.
If you notice any misinformation or inconsistencies I may have included, please let me know so that I may correct it. I meant no harm, and I tried my best to explain what I knew personally. This is purely memorized information because I was too lazy to cite articles.
There is, of course, a lot I have left out because it is too wide of a topic to put neatly into one article. My goal was to give a broad overview.
