The servers strike back!! They are villainizing customers like never before and we brave, we few, we customers have to defend our rights and protect our interests at home and abroad.
For those of you who may be less informed, I speak of the travesty that befalls we customers on a daily basis. Here are just five, five, of the hundreds of obstacles that we must traverse to purchase goods and services.
1. We are looked down upon for saying, "Please," and, "Thank you."
What kind of world do we live in where we have the decency to say these things?! "Ain't nobody got time for dat!" But seriously. It's like we are expected to put in the extra effort when we just want our damn food. Oh and I need that new pair of jeans on that shelf. Pronto. Well? What are you waiting for, Debra? Hop to it!
2. We are constantly subjected to high prices that the cashier makes us pay. Out-freaking-rageous.
Seriously Daniel? 30 bucks for that tee? I am a working citizen who pays taxes. You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to swindle me out of 30 bucks when that shirt is maybe worth 10. How's $10 sound? No? I want to speak to your manager. You must be kidding me?
Oh. My. Gosh. Kevin you seriously need to make some changes in your life. I mean why don't you go to college and get a degree in math, or English, or French for crying out loud?! Anything! You need to get educated man.
*Looks at nephew*
This is why you go to college Jimmy. So you don't spend your life working in a pizza place like Kevin.
4. They hide the good stuff and horde it so we cannot have it. Those evil people.
What do you mean you don't have a Hawaiian pizza?! Look Seth, I know you have it stashed away somewhere with all of the other slices of pizza I want. I know it's not out with all the other pizza but I know you have it. Oh, and Jillian, I know you have my size of jeans in the back. Oh you looked just now? Why don't you take me back and show me yourself? I know you have them somewhere. Don't be playin' girl.
Look Brittney, I know you have that bright red and yellow sign up, I just really don't feel like I need to read it. Why when I have you to walk me through every step of the process? What's that you say? Because I am supposed to order down at the end where the horde of customers is waiting? Well why didn't you say so?!? Gee, whiz you have to make things so complicated. And Joe, I really don't care about that cute little "wait here please" sign. I am in a hurry and you are going to check me out ASAP and I will use that extra 25 seconds to play my video games later.
But seriously the only way I am reading the sign is if I sue you when I run into it.
(All GIFs credited to Giphy)
*This article is purely satirical and none of the names (aside from mine) are derived from real people in these events.
