“Do you have ADHD?”
Nearly two years ago, I was sitting in my campus counseling center when the psychologist I had just begun to see stopped me mid-sentence to ask that very question. “No,” I replied cautiously, “at least, I don't think so.” He said he had been observing my behavior during the few sessions I had with him and that I have displayed characteristics of adult ADHD. He mentioned that he also worked at a facility that specializes in diagnosing ADHD in adults, and he was pretty adamant that I get tested.
Growing up, I always wondered if my mind worked differently than other peoples. It was easy for me to tell that I didn’t think or behave the same way as my peers, but I just thought that was just how I was. My impulsiveness and inattention often got me into trouble at school and at home. I even remember my mom once saying to me, “I think we should get you tested for something,” but she never did.
When I came to college, I met my best friend. She was someone I clicked with immediately because it seemed as if I finally found someone who understood my odd behavior and how my mind worked. I later found out that she had ADHD. At this point, I started to wonder, “What if I have ADHD, too?” I tried not to think on it too much, but it was something that stayed in the back of my mind until the day my psychologist asked me that chilling question, and ADHD soon became one of my realities.
After hours of various tests and a week's wait, I was sat down and told that I “meet the criteria for ADHD combined type.” I was both relieved and worried about receiving this diagnosis. I was relieved because finally everything about myself made sense. I was worried because I did not want to be stereotyped for my disorder or for the medication I was soon put on.
I haven’t told many people about my ADHD until now because I do not think is is something that needs to be talked about. I have a disorder that makes average everyday tasks a little more difficult for me than it is for others. I don’t talk about it because I am not looking for sympathy, and I refuse to offer it as an excuse for laziness because it absolutely is not. My medication does not make me lucky. It makes it possible for me to accomplish the same things average people accomplish without medication, but that’s only if I am able to focus on the right things.
I went nearly 20 years without being diagnosed and treated for the ADHD I had been suffering my entire life. The truth is, you never know who may be suffering from ADHD or any other non-visible disorder. Everyone’s symptoms display differently, and not everyone is comfortable talking about it. Be mindful of others because there is always more than meets the eye.
Adult ADHD is my reality, but it doesn’t define me.
