“Growing up fast” is an all too common phrase because doesn’t it feel as if we are all growing up too fast? I swear, it seems like it was just yesterday I was watching for the streetlights to turn on, because that meant you better be in the house before mom and dad would start to worry. I also remember when that 10-15 minute walk up to get ice cream in the summer felt like the biggest adventure in the world because we could finally walk without our parents; Ahhhh, the good times!
Looking back on it all, I tried to embrace all of these sunny aspects of my childhood while I still had them, and even when times were bad, I tried to accept them and learn from them; but sometimes, as a child, things can be just way too heavy for you to handle. Especially with a lack of valid resources to help you and those around you at such a young age, life can become overwhelming.
From my own personal experience, I would say that I had to start growing up and acting strong at a young age simply due to the fact that my dad was in the Army, which forced him to be away from us all the time. By the time I was 8-years-old, I was already moving to my fourth state, Maryland. The worst part was the pit I would get in my stomach when he was in Iraq and Afghanistan; I was never sure of where he was or what he was doing, or what was going on, and I just wanted him to come home.
My dad held a position in the Army where no one could know what his job was, which made my worries at 10-years-old even greater, and yet still made me grow even more proud of him. In 2009, he was coming up on 20 years of being in the service, a great accomplishment to be dedicated to for so long. Unfortunately, only one month before his 20 years of service mark, he passed away from natural causes. No one ever saw this “strong Army man’s” heart ever giving out at only the age of 48, including me. As an added backlash, our childhood dog passed away the same day as him, which just added to the bitter taste in all of our mouths.
My mother, brother, and I had to stick together, and at only 12-years-old, it was time to take on more responsibilities than ever. My parents always preached that as a family, you are a team, and with this event, it was time to unite together and help each other more than we had ever before, and I was ready.
A couple years prior to all of this, my mom began getting sick with Diabetes, which at the time was more manageable. The loss of my dad had made her health decline deeper and deeper, emotionally and physically. We tried so hard to help lift her back up again, but her coping mechanisms were bad, and her illnesses were moving way too fast for any of us to get a handle on the situation. For the past 6 years, it has led us to financial hardship, continuous hospital visits, and arguments upon arguments. We all fought because we just cared too much about one another to watch each other fail, but don’t get me wrong, it has definitely made us look out for each other more! I always know that I’ll have someone looking out for my best interests now, even if sometimes I wish my mom and brother weren’t so caring, but it is in my best interest, I know. When I began going to MICA, my mom and brother were so proud of me for everything I have accomplished, but leaving my mom was the hardest part.
Yes, I needed to break away and grow further independence at MICA while also using it as an opportunity to grow from my past, but my mom's condition begged me to stay. She felt almost too ill to leave, even knowing that my brother would be there for her in my absence. My moving out has definitely hindered our relationship, until recently.
Let's skip back to the present now, about a month ago, my mom was admitted to the hospital due to abdominal pain, which turned into C Diff. Colitis (which resulted in the doctors having to remove her whole colon). The hardest part of this, from an outside loved one’s point of view, is watching the person you love the most in this world, slowly dissipate and fall apart, all while feeling as if there is nothing you can do to stop it. My mom is still in the hospital now, about to go through rehabilitation after this major surgery. We still visit her almost every day and are hoping for the best recovery.
I’m not writing this as a pity article, or even for sympathy, but for anyone who is reading this and feeling as if they are going through a hard time, this is so that they know that they are not alone. There are people out there who understand your struggles, and yes, you can grow from your hardships. Having the world around you forcing you to grow up quickly, no matter the case, does not have to define you, but it can help you pick your own definition. You are not your past, but simply everything that you have ever learned and hoped to become.
