The days had been long and tedious. My twelve year old life was constantly moving, changing. I laid in my bed night after night, with my Bible open on my lap and my journal by my side. The soft glow of my lamp pointed at my open Bible, so as not to wake my younger sister sleeping, and its light reflected off the white page and yellow highlighter. It was here in these late evening hours that I devoured my Bible, especially the Psalms. I learned I could ask questions, pour out my heart and feelings to my Savior, and rejoice in His presence. The Psalms showed me I could be human; for an hour each night, I did not have to put up a mask and pretend.
Psalm 44 reflects my relationship with the Lord. This Psalm reflects the inner heart of my childhood. It starts with a deep desire of the soul to seek after the Lord, “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (v. 1-2, English Standard Version). But as the Psalm goes on, the psalmist explains the distress of his heart. His heart is hurting, but he hopes in the Lord. This is true for my relationship with the Lord. There are times in my life when I have questions and doubts. But like this Psalmist, I can take those to the Lord and still have hope that my Lord is there. He is not going anywhere. He welcomes my questions.
As a Christian, my worldview is shaped by my Savior. I know he cares for me and loves me, but at the same time I am human and need to be able to ask questions and communicate my doubts. The Lord understands this. The psalmist in Psalm 44 also understands this when saying, “By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me?” (Psalm 44:8-9, English Standard Version). The psalmist states his love of the Lord and then questions God’s presence. I find myself doing the same thing. I can do this with the Lord, and this changes the way I view my world. My relationship with God is an open discussion and relationship. This changes how I interact with people and my environment because I am not afraid to voice my feelings or emotions with my Savior. This allows me to be completely secure in my relationships with my Savior, and therefore secure in my relationships with others. I have the confidence and security to adventure out into the world and interact with others who are different than myself, because I have the backing of a secure relationship with Jesus. He shapes my worldview and affects how I see all of my world.
