I've been in love twice in my life. My last love was what I thought to be my one true love. My soulmate, my ride until we die. He broke up with me a year ago and left my heart shattered. I cried, I became angry, depressed, lost. I would flirt with guys almost every day and I even tried something out with an old boyfriend from high school. Eventually, I decided to just give up and stay single for a while, absolutely terrified to let my heart be broken again. It also seemed like any guy I could potentially like would not talk to me for more than three days.
At some point this past summer, I decided to go on a website that was a nice way to make high school friends. I used this site in middle school and eventually stopped because it turned into a dating site. I logged onto my old account and updated everything, I received at least a hundred messages from various older and extremely old men. Hidden beneath all these messages was one from a twenty-two-year-old guy, and he had messaged me first, and he was cute. My heart in my throat, I messaged back and found myself to like this man. I figured it wouldn't last more than three days, but then it did. We soon exchanged numbers, then met in person, spent the summer figuring our relationship out, and now we're dating.
I'm facing a new aspect to a relationship that I never really thought about before. I'm going slow and catching myself to stay slow. I don't like to think of our future to keep my hopes from getting high. I don't ask him questions about children, marriage, or anything for the future. I also don't really dive into his past, unless it has some correlation to the present. I feel giddy and like a little girl whenever I talk to him or see him but my thoughts about us being together forever, are not around.
However, I'm facing a new kind of problem that I'm not sure I can stop. My heart has been healed and my memories stored away, I'm open to new possibilities with this man who has helped me move on. I'm facing the problem of falling in love with him. I am torn between letting my heart overcome my mind and just tell him of my adoration. At the same time, my mind wants to guard my heart against being broken to keep my confessions hidden. I don't know what I want to do and I don't know if I want to decide. Oh the problems with trying to save a heart from being broken.