Brand New has been my favorite band for the past 13 years. Earlier this week, I saw them for the ninth time. I go to their shows every chance I get, which has fortunately been more in the past couple years. But every time I go, I am reminded that in general, I do not like other Brand New fans and they seem to get worse at each show. As someone who enjoys sharing music with others, I do not particularly relish in my extreme dislike of other fans, but I have witnessed some eye-rollingly appalling behavior at shows.

That's not to say I don't have dear friends who are also Brand New fans. In fact, when my husband and I began dating, we bonded over the fact that we had attended the same Brand New show several years before and it was what helped him decide to move to Chicago. I enjoy debating album rankings with them. But the majority of my fan friends either aren't interested in going to shows or live in other places. So I have to say my rationale is I really hate the exclusionary nature of most of the Brand New communities I've seen online.

It started as far back as when I was in high school. Fans felt the need to one-up each other or brag when they got tickets to shows and others didn't. They needed to know the meaning of every single song and had a false sense of superiority for liking the band the longest. It was completely inaccessible, and it seemed no one wanted to celebrate a shared interest or create a sense of community. You shouldn't have to work so hard to prove yourself to others, because who cares what they think of your interests? It reminds me of this meme:

I just don't think you need to know every single musical influence of the band or what year each song was written or which band member wrote each song. Does that really affect your enjoyment of the music itself? When I was younger, the idea of being so into a band that flew under the radar appealed to me, but I've learned to just like what I like without concerning myself with what other people think of it. I am still disappointed by this crappy attitude to this day. I want to share my favorite band with others, not have to constantly duke it out to prove my love.

I realize that I am part of the problem. These bad experiences online have left a sour taste in my mouth, and I often find myself being a bit standoffish toward other Brand New friends. By far the most egregious thing I saw the other night was a Big Ten bro grooving out to "137," a song about nuclear annihilation that contains the lyrics: "Let's all go play Nagasaki/We can all get vaporized/Hold my hand, let's turn to ashes/I'll see you on the other side."

You can feel free to accuse me of taking this too seriously, but I'd like to point out that they played this song over a backdrop of video footage of bombs falling. To me, this seems about as appropriate as doing a dance to Morrissey's live extended rendition of "Meat Is Murder," which features a video of a bunch of cows getting slaughtered.

And speaking of fans being generally tone deaf, I found it ironic that every time I see Brand New, the loudest line fans scream back at Jesse Lacey is "I am not your friend/I am just a man who knows how to feel/I am not your friend/I'm not your lover/I'm not your family." This whole bit of the song is basically about fans conflating their own feelings with the band's intentions.

I will continue seeing Brand New songs as personally relevant to me in the way I see fit or be reminded of certain times of my life. I think part of growing up for me was getting over my obsession with the band or the members and just focusing on the music. Maybe part of the problem is Brand New takes itself really seriously. A lot of their music is really melancholic, and while I get why you would want to feel a connection with an artist you feel understands what you're going through, but is it really necessary to box others out?

Brand New is unlikely to stop being my favorite band at any point in the near future, but I am still really sad that the fans don't strive to be a friendlier, more inclusive community. Music should be for everyone.