Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by Instagram.
Instagram takes up so much of my brain power. Seriously. Any given day I spend a good amount of time thinking about what I'm going to post and obsessively scrolling through perfectly themed profiles.
You may recognize some of these thoughts...
Should I start sticking to a theme?
Should I change my theme?
I really want to post this picture but the colors will clash with my current aesthetic!
Should I wear the overalls or dress to take a picture at a coffee house today?
OH MY GOD I JUST MET LIN MANUEL-MIRANDA! BUT I LOOK LIKE A TROLL! I can't post this!!
I would like to take this time to provide a few examples of real life vs. Instagram.
Most of the time, I'm not drinking an iced white mocha with coconut milk and a beautifully arranged acai bowl with organic granola with my model friends who I met for brunch. More likely, my mornings consist of burning Poptarts in my kitchen and getting them stuck in the toaster.
Also, does anyone else order food specifically because it'll be pretty? Please tell me I'm not the only one. For example, that time I ordered a green smoothie because the bright green went with my eyes?
Cool picture, right? But checkout this beaut:
This is me scarfing down a milkshake. Classic.
What about post-workout selfies? Those aren't real, are they? There is no way your hair looks that good after jogging for an hour. No way. I mean, if it does, can we meet for coffee or something? I need you to share your secrets. Because for me, my hair is a mess and I am pouring sweat (and not the sexy, glistening sweat either.. More like I-can't-see-because-it's-running-into-my-eye kind of sweat). This is usually the type of picture you can expect from me after a hard workout:
And even this is a pretty good picture, but it's probably just the sunset in the background.
I don't know about you, but when I get home after a long day, I don't put on cute sweats and a perfect messy bun. Not even close. You better believe I'm throwing on the closest big t-shirt I can find and whipping my hair up into a bun that actually looks more like a rabid squirrel's nest. Exhibit A:
Thanks, Penny from the Big Bang Theory. You get me.
And finally, the "flat-lay". You've seen 'em.
I mean, come on. That's gorgeous! How long did it take to get that lighting? There has to be some sort of fancy lighting setup here. And what was the thought process behind using only one of each shoe? I wish I understood the art of the flat-lay. My stuff usually looks like this:
So, if you can't get that perfect white-washed hipster theme just right, don't sweat it! Because...Same.
PS. Can I talk about Instagram stories vs. Snapchat stories?! Are we supposed to make TWO movies now? I CANNOT KEEP UP. How do I decide on which to post? Snapchat is quickly becoming the ugly step-sister to my Instagram profile. And that makes me sad because Snapchat is my jam. Not to mention, all of my stories look like something from Blair Witch Project. But maybe this is a thought for a different article...Happy posting!