There is no denying that the word 'no' holds a lot of weight... a lot of power. Especially in certain situations. So why are so many people afraid to use it? Why do so many people hesitate before it utters past their lips? There are also those who beat around the bush and come up with other excuses, rather than flat out saying 'NO'. Worst of all, is the people who say yes when their head is yelling the entire opposite.
There are so many situations where 'no' is appropriate, acceptable and understandable yet we don't use it. Whether we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or cause someone to become angry with us, we'd rather say yes than no.
I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking 'It's not that hard to say no.' And sure, depending on the situation and what is being discussed or asked, it isn't difficult at all. Many people can easily say no.
But there are situations—when you're dealing with certain or specific people—that make it harder to just simply say that two letter word.
For example, it can be more difficult to use the word no when dealing with family members and close friends. When it is much easier to use it on strangers. It can also be difficult to use it when speaking with authority figures, or during work when talking to coworkers and even bosses.
But it shouldn't be that way. By constantly saying 'yes' to everything, we are putting ourselves in a situation where we will always be expected to and eventually, certain people might just starting assuming you'll agree to it before even asking! No one wants to be put in that place of assumption. So, we need to start being more assertive and saying 'no'!
Starla Fitch, MD wrote an article called How To Say "No" and Beat Burnout where she lists six reasons why we find saying "no" so difficult; here they are:
- The need to please.
- From a sense of duty
- To avoid feeling guilty.
- The fear of hurting someone’s feelings.
- The risk of looking “less than”.
- Concern because you’re saying “no” to The Boss.
As humans, we aim to please; whether it be ourselves or someone we care about. We want to see and make people happy, and many of us know that the word 'no' usually has the opposite effect. So, we say "yes" in order to make that person, or those people, happy, even at the cost of our own happiness. Guilt works in the same way, as does the sense of duty that we may have to say "yes". We also don't want to be looked down upon for saying "no". We don't want to be left thinking about what the person we said "no" to thinks about us because of it, so we agree instead.
But it's okay to say "no" and not feel guilty, ashamed or upset! Especially if you do it in the right way. Be polite about it. There are so many ways to say "no" in a nice way. Say "I can't". Remember that you don't need to use excuses and you don't owe anyone an explanation. Saying "no" should never be a bad thing!
When in doubt, take a tip from Meghan Trainor's song, No!
