Being a passive person has its advantages. Rarely do we find ourselves in the center of an argument, because confrontation makes us cringe. We often force a smile through even the toughest of situations, because we fear the outcome of interpersonal adversity. Others interpret our passiveness as extreme niceness, so we are often complimented on our kind-heartedness.
However, passiveness becomes pathological when we lose our voices through fake smiles, shrugs in response to personal attacks, and verbal silence despite a mind flooded with words and accusations.
If you’re like me, you thrive on the approval of others – constantly seeking to please people and completely at a loss when they have a negative appraisal of you. Perhaps our passiveness is rooted in this deep desire to avoid disapproval from those we come in contact with, and most importantly, avoid disappointing those we love.
Last week, I was in line at the grocery store. I had my hands full of items (I rarely use a cart, as I should), and something happened that caught me off guard. A young man walked right in front of me and placed his items on the counter to pay. I thought, “It must be a mistake; he must not have seen me.” After he paid, I inched closer to the counter to pay for my miscellaneous products. Next, another young man skipped in front of me in line and looked over his shoulder at me, as if waiting for my response.
My response? I froze – returned his glance with a faint smile, and backed away. As I walked to my vehicle with my recent purchases in bags, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. Have I become a ghost? A doormat? Can strangers sense my susceptibility to acts of bullying?
I sat in front of my steering wheel with the car in park. I placed my head on the wheel and thought about how acquiescent I have become. I cried, unsure of how I could lose my voice – myself – over the years.
My passive personality seems to attract the counter. I find myself submitting to the requests of the most important people in my life and utter strangers, despite contradicting beliefs that I hold. I wonder if others are as evil and ruling as I sometimes perceive, or if my passiveness has allowed everyone to reign over my own wants and needs.
