When people hear the word "divorce," it brings up ill feelings and mental images of children left behind. The oddity of divorce is that it is often looked at as a bad thing, a black mark on your report card of life. When in factm I find it to be the opposite—a good thing actually. People tend to find the good in a bad situation.
With my parents’ divorce, was I all that broken up about it? Not really; I was around five, so I can’t say it affected me the way it might someone older. Also, my parents were able to still be civilized with one another, and I know other kid's parents that go into a turrets type tirade when they see their partner. So, in a sense, I was lucky in two ways. I’ve often thought about how I may have turned out if my parents had stayed together and the conclusion I’ve come to is: it would be very different.
That is another notion I find blasphemous: We need to stay together for the kids. If you want your kids to grow up and be relatively normal, then get the divorce. Two adults who used to love one another, now cannot stand one another, and they willingly choosing to live together for your sake. You’re creating a dynamic that wasn’t there before—both are trying to vie for your attention and affection over the other, and they will fight with one another resulting in a toxic household to all involved. Rather than fixing the problem, you are creating several more in its place that you will expose your child to.
Kids complicate divorce more so than two people simply wanting to end it between them. You have created human life together, now you both must raise this child separately without the other. A good set of people can make it work because they understand the necessity to work together—not only for one another to succeed, but as well as raising the child.
The divorce rate in this country is at a firm 50 percent. That can be a daunting number, or it can be a reassuring one depending on your viewpoint. I see a number like 50 percent, and it causes me to think positively. People are willing to admit that their relationship did not work and took the steps to move on instead of staying on a dead end street. The fairy tale of two people finding each other and spending the rest of their lives together is long overdue. Love is out there, but you have to work hard at it to have a long-lasting relationship.
What people fail to realize is that no good marriage has ended in a divorce. Two happy people together would not get a divorce. Something is missing or came about in the relationship that has changed the dynamic, leaving both parties in a state of limbo. By admitting to one another that it simply is not working anymore and agreeing to separate takes an enormous amount of courage. You are admitting to your partner and yourself that you have failed. But, you will find strength; sure, the first few months might be hard, but you will return stronger than ever.
Next time someone tells you they are getting a divorce, don’t get all sad and sappy with them. Talk to them, ask what they are going through; honestly, they might be happy because they are getting out of something they were stuck in. One day someone you know will get divorced; try to see the positive instead of focusing on the negative, and you might learn something.
