There's this really terrible unspoken law of the universe that, as far as I'm aware, hasn't been proven by any scientific experimentation, but has been repeatedly demonstrated through experience. It is this: as long as you are alive, you will get hurt. People will let you down. And when that happens, you have a lot of choices about how to respond. Sometimes, it feels really good to hold a grudge. It's almost like you've won, isn't it? There's satisfaction in the silent treatment, and it can make you feel powerful to cut someone out of your life. Believe me, I know. But a reaction fueled by this kind of hurt and anger leaves you coming up empty absolutely every time.
Sure, there are a lot of religious and spiritual reasons why forgiveness is the way to go. In Christianity, Bible verses speak a lot on forgiveness; take Ephesians 4:32, for example. Sometimes, however, those teachings can feel very unsatisfying and counterintuitive. There are moral and logical reasons why it's the best choice. You'd want to be forgiven if the tables were somehow turned, right? What an upstanding person you'd be to forgive the unforgivable! But, if we're being honest, being a so-called good person does nothing to ease the pain inflicted by someone else's betrayal. Again, none of these reasons are bad, but I'm just trying to be realistic. The simple logic of doing the right thing sometimes doesn't make you want to do it. It certainly doesn't always work for me.
I understand that at this point, this sounds like an article on why forgiveness is too hard. But I promise, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, you're hurt. Yes, people can be unimaginably selfish. It can be unbearable to give a lot of your heart to someone who doesn't seem to value or want it. There are few pains comparable to that which is caused by the ones we love. But I can assure you that there is a certain solace that comes with forgiveness, regardless of whether or not it seems warranted.
That's the funny thing about forgiveness, I guess. You supposedly choose to forgive someone in order to benefit them. But allow me to introduce a sort of counterargument: forgiveness is for you, the forgiver. According to the dictionary, to forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone. Resentment was once described to me as drinking a cup of poison and hoping someone else will die. It's illogical and self-destructive. So for your own sake, I am begging you to forgive whoever is the focus of your anger.
Even when it seems justified, anger will eat you up from the inside out, until you are consumed by the negativity that you yourself created. Don't allow the selfishness of someone else alter you in this way. You are more than that. If you so choose, you can be far more than a sad summation of the pain you have experienced. You can be generous in the way you deal with people, extending grace to even those who don't deserve it, those who never asked for it. And in this way, you have won, not because you were able to fight fire with fire, but because you have managed to escape whatever (or whoever) has hurt you without losing yourself in the process. Harboring bitterness toward someone is shackling yourself to a ball and chain, and the only key to freedom is choosing to forgive. Don't bear the weight of someone else's mistake.
