As it tends to go, my life decided to fall apart at the exact moment when I really needed it to hold together, when I needed that little thread stringing along all of the bits of happiness, to be a bit stronger, to hold on a little longer. I watched it unravel over the course of the semester, but as it neared the end of its life, I knew it wasn't going to end well.

I know that I don't get close to people, that I like to spend most of my time alone and that I find it much more comforting to spend a night in than I do a night out with people who make drunken promises and share fake smiles. I know that I do not fit the stereotypical mold of those I tend to find myself surrounded by, but somehow I've always found the silver lining and the compromise between it all. I've found the happy medium.

With that being said, I know that it's not a characteristic of mine to have a "group" to call my friends. I don't tend to have one specific area on which I focus all my attention, but rather I spread my friends across the board. I find life to be much more fun and fulfilling that way.

But in the same breath, there's always going to be the group of people, when you enter a new space or start a new chapter of your life, that serve as your "firsts." The people that, no matter how far you seem to grow apart, will be there if anything goes wrong. Who will mend bridges to make sure that you're OK, no matter what has happened in the years.

Well, at least that's what I thought.

When the thread broke, when the water flooded in, when the light at the end of the tunnel disappeared completely, I was lost. I was broken. I had the breath completely knocked out of me. Unable to function, I retreated to my home to find myself, to find what would hopefully heal a few of the wounds. It was there that I finally found myself able to think for even just a moment's time, and it was there that I realized that everything I thought I knew was completely false.

The months leading up to this break have been excruciating; they have been taxing on my mind, body and soul, they have created a noticeable difference in all that it looks and feels like to be me. I noticed, those closest to me noticed, people whispered of noticing differences, I felt their bits of awareness through the distance they created. The months leading up to this I felt the most isolated I have ever felt since beginning this chapter of my life. The worst part is, though, that even though they saw, or felt, or heard of the differences, not one single person I considered to be in the closest thing I had to a "group" reached out. Not once did I get a simple "How are you?" or a confrontation to the change in who I was. Not once did I receive the slightest bit of warmth from this group that had suddenly turned so cold.

Luckily, I do have friends across the board and I did have people who cared and reached out to me, who were in a group of their own but always included me, that went above and beyond to make sure that I felt their love, their support. I had people who I'm not extremely close to, people I haven't spoken to in a while, reach out to send a simple message of care. And it was in those actions that I confirmed who in my life has always been worthwhile, who in my life I always knew I could go to and who in my life isn't worth any time at all.

I know deep down that I've always set aside the ones who meant the most to me, the ones I care for the most, the ones I knew would be there for me, no matter what, but I always hoped this other group would be too. That they would somehow cross over just enough, as my day one people, to be there to at least acknowledge that I was hurting and to show in the slightest that they cared.

I never once expected anyone to reach out, but the second I realized people were beginning to, I hoped that they would be among those people — but I was so heavily disappointed.

So, to the ones who weren't there when my world was falling apart, as much as I should be upset, I'm not in the slightest. I'm thankful: thankful that I now know who in my life is worth my time, my love, my energy. Who in my life will be there for the greatest and worst moments and who I know I will always reciprocate those feelings to. I know what true friends look like and I know how to find the ones that are only there for the mere convenience. I am thankful that you showed your colors before I let myself do something like focus completely on one group and find myself empty handed and alone at the end of the day.

And to the ones who were there when least expected, and the ones who showed extra love on top of their already full hearts, you're the reason I hold onto a little faith in the world today. The reason that each smile I share with you is so genuine. There are not enough words to show my gratitude. You are what this world needs more of.