You've stayed

After all we've been through, you've stayed by my side through it all. It hasn't been easy to say the very least. There's been so much holding us back and trying to tear us apart, but all of that constant struggle has done nothing but made us 10x stronger than we were before. And for that I love you.

You've been by my side through my best days and my worst; from days where I just want to scream and give up, to days where I can do nothing but smile because life seems to be going my way. Thank you for being there regardless of the situation or how I'm feeling on that particular day, but my question for you is this:

How do you do it?

This is something I think I will never quite understand. How do you constantly love on me and put me first? How do you keep being so selfless, even though I back you into a corner? How do you continue to put God first? How do you consistently keep me at the top of your priority list even though I probably drive you insane most of the time? How do you not just give up, and walk away when things get tough, again and again? So, again I ask, how do you do it?

It seems like an exhausting job to say the least. But somehow, someway or another you keep fighting to stay. I realize now just how much of a handful I really am. I, at times, ask of too much of you, expect you to be my rock in the hard place and for some reason believe that you can magically make everything better. I go to you for comfort and support. I look to you for love and for your undivided attention when you simply can't give me what I need. This realization hit me hard, like a truck without breaks.

You can't fill that void.

You can't be those things for me, at least not fully, not to the potential that I need. You can surely try, but you will fail every time. This brought me to the reality that there is only one person who can do that and we both know who that is: God.

You see, I've been looking in all of the wrong places. I've been relying on you for so much and I can tell it's starting to reach the point where it's become too much for you. Because of this, I'm sorry. But, my prayer for you is this:

That God continues to fill you with His presence and that you continue to grow closer to Him. That the fire burning in your soul never fades, but only grows. I pray for an overwhelming sense of peace and that your soul is able to get rest. I pray that your heart remains guarded and that your eyes remain fixed on God and God alone.

At times I feel like I don't say thank you enough for everything that you do for me and that you don't feel fully appreciated like you so deserve. Know that I love you and that I am so blessed by you. I thank God for you every day. Know that I would do anything for you and that I'm slowly learning the difference between God's love and yours.

I do appreciate you.

Thank you for loving on me so unconditionally and for being so selfless. Thank you for putting me at the top of your priority list. Thank you for putting God first and for teaching me to do the same. Thank you for encouraging me to take leaps in my faith and for supporting me every step of the way. Thank you for showing me what it's like to grant God's grace and to accept it without questioning it. Thank you for building me up, after being torn down by others time and time again and for being the one to help remind me who I am in Christ. Thank you for the constant moments of laughter and joy and for never giving up on me, even when things seem impossible to get through. Thank you for trusting in the Lord to provide in every situation. Thank you for loving me like Christ loves but most of all, thank you for being the one that stayed.