First of all, I know many of you have seen hundreds of articles about the Stanford rape case as well as heard about the unusually light sentence placed on *that rapist*.

I'm not going to write an article about why rape is wrong, why the light sentence is wrong, or even why the rapist's father's statement is wrong, but I am going to write about consent and the importance of valuing women.

Men, please listen to me, even if you agree with me on the idea of consent. You must value your sisters in Christ. You are commanded to value and love and cherish your sisters and wives and friends.

That is why you (not just men, but women need to heed this too) must always ask before anything happens. Ask before you hug, ask before you hold hands, ask before you kiss. It is the most loving thing you can possibly do.

In fact, I even hesitate writing the word "consent." I have grown up in a conservative Christian environment, and it's always been a big deal to even talk about sex. Personally, I believe sex should take place in the context of marriage and that it is a gift from God. Sex is not just something that feels good or is fun to do; it should be valued and regarded as an intimate emotional, physical and spiritual connection. I do not take sex lightly and I want to wait until I am married to engage in it. (Side note: if you're sexually active, I'm not judging you. I just hope you're using protection and getting consent every single time you engage in it.)

I'm going to be completely honest when I say I never even thought about consent or realized what it meant until I got to college. It was never talked about. All I knew was that sex was supposed to be a married-person thing and shouldn't ever be talked about (except to say, don't do it). I do not blame my parents, my school, or my youth group for this lapse in my sexual education, but it speaks to a gaping hole in Christian circles.

We really, really, need to begin talking about consent with kids, teens, and even adults.

Because of a lack of discussion in my Christian circles, I have become increasingly aware of shame directed not just toward people who have sex outside of marriage, but shame directed toward rape victims. Oftentimes, they will stay silent for years, sometimes forever. They are afraid of being shamed for something they could not prevent happening to them, and, sadly, sometimes the option of saying "No" may not be something they could be aware of. This is why we absolutely must let our girls and women and men and boys know they are able to say "No."

Consent is both complex and simple. It is both yes and no and "I'm not sure." But it must be given before anything happens. Even holding hands requires consent for me.

That is why the Stanford rape case, and any other rape case, angers me so greatly. Consent could not be given. Consent was almost certainly not given. Brock Turner's father's careless statement of "20 minutes of action" gives zero regard to the victim. Her life will never, ever be the same. Every rape victim has their lives changed irreparably. It will always go back to that night or day or moment in time. Yes, they can move on and recover physically and go on to have future relationships, but that rape experience will always be a part of their history. In addition, that "twenty minutes of action" shows a horrifying lack of respect for women and a gross obsession with self-pleasure and instant gratification.

If we begin teaching our little boys and little girls to say yes, they want a hug, or no, they don't want a hug, it can go a long way to adulthood.

Consent means that you are thinking of the other person and not of yourself. It shows care and love and concern. It is the foundation of a healthy relationship, friendship and family.

Let us dearly value and cherish our sisters and brothers in Christ, demonstrating that love by ensuring their safety, comfort, and welfare.