It seems to be a belief widely held by adults that teenagers think we're invincible. According to them, we lack regard for the future. We behave recklessly, make impulsive decisions, and don't think things through quite enough. As soon as we hit the age of 18, we are given more freedom than we know what to do with. We smoke cigarettes, get tattoos, go to parties, either don't sleep at all or sleep all day. We drive fast, think slow, and live in this place of extremes. Given all of this, it's logical to assume from an outside perspective that we think we cannot die, but I really don't think that's the case. Teenagers may experience the concept of mortality differently than the rest of the population, but we experience it nonetheless.
When I was 15, I had my first real, close-up experience with the fact that death could easily affect the people closest to me: the boy I was dating joined the Marine Corps, and for the first time, I was conscious of the very real risk of death he faced. I'd had family members die, of course, but it had never been someone so close to my own age. When the old die, it's tragic. When the young die, it's terrifying. Here was this boy who meant so much to me, voluntarily choosing to join a cause that could end his life well before his time. The boy and I no longer speak and since then I've known many more people who joined the military, but I'll never forget the feeling I had that first summer knowing and loving someone whose life was going to be constantly in danger for the foreseeable future.
Of course, that wasn't the only brush with mortality I experienced during that time. In the four years I attended Hellgate High School, the student body experienced an incredible amount of loss. We saw the deaths of teachers and students alike, and the way these deaths affected us also changed the way we felt about life. This is not uncommon; as heartbreaking as our situations were, they were in no way unique. Just about every high school and, by proxy, every student experiences the premature passing of at least one student. When the seat next to you in math class is suddenly alarmingly empty, you are forced to confront the reality that for some, life doesn't go on. That harsh realization does not lend itself to a feeling of invincibility.
Why, then, do we continue to engage in the behaviors so commonly associated with a lack of understanding of our own mortality? A former teacher of mine, one of the best I've ever had, once told me that it's good to feel invincible sometimes, and when I think about this question her words come to mind. In a world so full of death and inevitability, why shouldn't we try to find moments during which we can feel absolutely indestructible? Teenagers don't drive far too fast down the street at night because we think we cannot die; that couldn't be farther from the truth. I think that in reality we do it because we know that we can and will die, and because it's beautiful to be able to forget that, if only for a minute or two. We take pleasure in laughing in the face of fate, because it gives us the illusion that maybe we are in control of something for once. During these years of our lives, we are constantly bombarded with things out of our control: college applications, family situations, and the strange limbo we are caught in of being held responsible for ourselves while still being considered children in so many ways can all lead to a feeling of helplessness and even futility. We don't wake up in the morning thinking that we're incapable of dying, we just behave in whatever way we can to remind ourselves that we are alive.
