Everyone always imagines the perfect love story. Everyone wants that special someone to be there for them through all the good and bad. It was just during high school that I felt all of my dreams slowly slip out of my hands. It only took one bad night, to change my output on life, for what seems like forever.
It was a normal night, of movies and swimming, with a group of those I always called my friends. The ones I told everything to, the ones that I trusted with my life. Until that moment. That moment that I got into the car. That moment that I did not want to experience.
It was just a small party, I thought I was making the best choice to not drive myself home. I only wanted a ride home. One small second into the ride home, I found myself questioning if this was really happening. Is this real? A friend would never make me this uncomfortable. It was a dark feeling, not one I ever want to experience again.
A glimpse letter, I felt a hand on me. One I surely did not want. The warmest feeling ran through my body. But I knew I couldn’t give in. I wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. I wasn’t going to be the girl he got to take advantage of. I remember looking over at him, asking why he was doing this. Asking what I ever did to deserve this disrespect. I cannot express the amounts of times, “please take me home” came out of my mouth. It was the moment that I told myself I would never drink again. It was the moment I told myself to question who I would trust. The last time someone would be able to take advantage of me. Days went by and I was still not comprehending what had happened. Still questioning why this had to happen to me.
Walking through the hallways at school with every single eye glued right onto me. I knew it was a small town and that the word would travel fast. It wasn't just affecting me personally, but my school work and my friendships. I decided it was time for a change. I needed to get out of the spotlight, back to where I was seen as just a normal teenage girl, able to be in love again, like all of my friends. That was the day I decided to apply to a boarding school. A challenge I thought I was ready to take on. One I might not have been fully prepared for. I learned then that my life would never go back to the way it was, my easy going, loving personality was gone. Watching all the cute high school couples talking, studying, and cuddling all the time. It had to be the most heartbreaking of it all. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t open up to any guy in my life.
One year went by, and it didn’t get any easier. Coming into college, I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I wanted to have friends and friends that I could rely on. The drinking atmosphere was obviously a challenge, as at first I wouldn’t lay my hands anywhere near the alcohol. Watching all the people around me already hooking up with people, I could feel the anxiety coming back. I realized then, that the only was I was going to be accepted is if I started talking about guys. Not telling my story, but telling my friends just how cute I thought these guys were. It worked for a while.
Then I met him. It seemed surreal when I continuously found myself wanting to be around him. Even if it meant doing homework together and not even talking. It was a weird and uncomfortable feeling at first. Weeks passed, and I was still doing it. Every time I saw him it was like a new part of my heart started pumping again.
It’s cliché. All the girls in the world that say it was love at first sight, but this wasn’t love. It was just a new light in my world. One that showed me it would eventually get better. It was a guy that I felt attached to. The feelings weren’t normal. Something I haven’t felt in years. The happiness throughout my body that I felt when I was around him, it was different. I had finally found a guy that I trusted again. I was the happiest person I’d ever been.
So maybe I didn’t have it as bad as some of the girls and boys around the world, but I never would have imaged living this situation. It made me appreciate every good person around me. Every family member and friend that I knew I would have for the rest of my life.
I might not be the same girl I used to be, or ever get back to being that girl. Although, I know I’m taking steps in the right direction. A new hope.
All I know is that everyone in the world is faced with a challenge. No matter how hard the challenge is, you have to look forward and keep all of the positive things in your life. My dad always said, it doesn't matter how I get through it, but without surrounding myself with good people who helped me make the right choices, I would be able to achieve what I set my mind to. That I believe, is true for everybody.
