For some reason, when I express my passion of feminism and modesty, they almost seem to work against each other. The word modesty has this negative connotation that seems to be synonymous with censorship and maybe even guilt or shame. In no way do I believe that women should have to censor themselves or else they should feel guilty. We need to revive the virtue behind modesty and re-define it in a way that can be used towards our advantage.

The problem with several modesty advocates is that they are perpetually representing modesty as something that women should be doing only to help men not be distracted by our bodies. And while I do believe a more mature man may be grateful for the help, the man’s sex drive is not the driving force behind my passion for modesty. It’s to redefine how women are viewed (by everyone) in order to achieve gender equality, which I think is the goal of feminists everywhere.

I recently had lunch with a friend who pointed out that men are considered sexy while wearing a suit, covered from head to toe while women wanting the same effect often feel the need to put on less. Immediately this resonated with me. I thought women should be outraged as heck about this! I previously sympathized with the feeling of wanting to dress up and look good, but now I question why when I want to feel sexy, a short-cut skirt is the first option that comes to mind.

Some may argue that woman’s attraction to a man in a suit is just as shallow. After all, women are gold diggers (by the same theory that men are “pigs”) and a nice suit may be an indicator of a wealthy man.

I’m no fool. I know stereotypes exist for a reason. It’s usually just a numbers game. Enough people belonging in x category behave this way/think this way, therefore we generalize everyone in x category to follow suit.

But even if generally women have been attracted to men who appear to be wealthy, being wealthy is generally tied to being intelligent and hard working. There are certainly exceptions, (I know women and men alike who are attracted to the dollar sign). But at least generally we can attribute this seemingly shallow attraction to actual characteristics.

It’s not the same case for women. When we put our bodies on display, whether it is fair or not, we are being perceived differently. Our intelligence, feelings, and everything else that makes up who we are, is being put on the back burner. There was a study done by psychology professor Susan Fiske of Princeton University in 2009 that showed when men were presented with pictures of unknown females in bikinis, the region of their brain that showed activity was the same region that lights up when they think of using a tool like a hammer or wrench. It also showed that the men remembered the women better who were dressed in less. It begs the question, are women who are more-scantily dressed getting perks just for being memorable? But what are they memorable for? A bangin’ bod?

This is still a broad study… I don’t mean to diss you men out there by saying you can’t help it, you just think of us as objects. But it at least lets us know that what we are wearing can affect how we are being perceived. And for now, we are in a predominately patriarchal society.

I take pride in my education. I want to be noticed for my mind, remembered for my kindness, and praised for my hard work. So if I know I am in control of some of that, why not take advantage of it? And why not help other women get the same respect? To me, that is feminism. And modesty is a feminists’ friend.