No, this is not about the AMC television show Mad Men, or the DC comic characters Madmen.
Rather, this is about all of the guys that I have been encountering in the recent past years and present. The hippy boys, the ones in button-downs and ties, the ones in polos or t-shirts. It does not matter the exterior, for they all have a common thread twisted around their interior.
I call them individually the Modern Mad Man.
It starts out fairly normal. You meet a guy who seems perhaps funny or shy, fairly normal. Unassuming, you move forward in an interaction or a relationship with him and his seemingly calm demeanor. All is well until suddenly there is a little friction, perhaps some discourse, a disagreement, or some unspoken standard of theirs that is unmet.
Suddenly, the voice escalates, the face reddens, and the fists become clenched.
No, these boys do not physically harm you, but instead choose to demean, minimize and ridicule you and/or your life choices.
It does not matter the type of relationship you may have - the coworker, the family member, the friend, the classmate, and unfortunately, the significant other - the reach of the Modern Mad Man is enormous. They do not care if their victim is smaller in stature or in power. Nor does it matter whether or not they are soft and cannot speak up and defend themselves. In the aftermath, there is no apology or sentiment of empathy to come from the lips of the Modern Mad Man, for he can do no wrong.
I have seen him make girls twenty plus years or younger cry. He has walked away from multiple broken relationships without regard. The Modern Mad Man has been known to demean the simplest of mistakes. He knows not of shared history and empathy but rather will use it against the other individual if it suits him.
At this point, you might be thinking “Who is she talking about?” or “Suck it up, Buttercup!”
I would probably be thinking the same things had I not seen the harm of a Modern Mad Man not only in my life but in the lives of those close to me.
This piece is not a who-done-me-wrong story, but rather this is a chance for every female that has felt the harm of these men to reclaim their voice, to take a stand. In this moment, in this place, you can steal back the dignity that the Modern Mad Man stole from you, stare at the looming figure in your background and say “YOU. ARE. WRONG.”
My loves, the spell of the Modern Mad Man is so enticing. One moment he is admiring your kindness, then correcting the swear word you are saying. Another moment he is kissing your face until he demeans the softness of your heart. It is so hard to see through the muddiness of his words and actions and to feel as if you are not overreacting.
Let me reassure you, my love, his behaviors are not love.
Love, whether it be in the family-friend-romantic sense, does not demean or bring verbal harm. Love takes you as you are and adorns affection all the way. Love does not count your wrongs or is impatient. Love is never demanding or demeaning, humiliating or threatening.
For those that have found themselves manipulated by the Modern Mad Man, you are seen. Lives are changed by the simplistic fact that you are living and breathing, let alone the ways that you reach out to those around you. I know he shaved pieces of you and it is so hard to untangle yourself from him. I know that the Modern Mad Man has demoted every thing about you as insignificant, but let me remind you today of a few more things. You are brave, you are beautiful, you are loved. The Modern Mad Man has no say in who you are and what you will continue to become.
