“It takes two to tango. “
“Two is better than one.”
“You’re my other half.”
“You’re my soulmate.”
For the longest time I saw myself being in a relationship, being committed to one person, and having that person be my other half. I wanted that picture perfect relationship: walks on the beach, watching the sunset, and going on spontaneous crazy adventure but I realized that I wasn’t emotionally ready to be committed to someone. As a result, I learned that I am afraid of commitment and I think that many guys have the same fear but for different reasons. However, this fear of being hurt, hurting someone, is the driving force for the lack of confidence in a relationship.
Now before you jump to conclusions with here’s my thought process:
The Break up Pain
I once fell in love with someone and that feeling was spectacular. Every moment we spent together was the best feeling on earth. Every memory we created still plays on repeat in my mind. However, regardless of gender and the view of masculinity breaking up with someone who you fell in love with is an event that causes tremendous emotional distress.
Guys Get Scared
Being in a relationship with someone can be difficult. However, there is more behind it than just guys wanting hook-ups. It goes deeper and more emotional meaning that guys don’t really show. It takes a lot to be committed to someone: I personally never knew if I was doing something wrong, if my significant other was upset with me, or if we were fighting. I can’t speak for all guys but the extra burden of having to figure out what our significant other are thinking based on body language and action is impossible because 98% of the time we are wrong. As a result, we are equally as scared of getting hurt, but we don’t show it because the way we are growing up in society.
Masculinity
“Guys don’t cry.””
“Guys are stronger than girls.”
All these statements are things that society has formed to depict what the male role should consist of. However, the reality is that men have conformed to these statements but as society changes, so has the role of being a man.
I think that people are finally coming to terms with the idea that everyone is created equal based on gender. However, this is still fairly new topic which is impacting society in negative and positive ways. As a result, men don’t show emotion in public or even to their significant other.
All these emotions, actions and thoughts are all kept inside and they eat away. This feeling causes us to avoid relationships, and avoid the unmasking our emotional side because we are afraid.
Afraid of what?
We all have our own fears and some of them are more visible than others. However, some are more hidden and as humans we suppress them even more so people are not able to see. Guys do this in an emotional way because of the view on masculinity. A guy does not want to be looked down on by other males. This idea of men superior to each other and having to keep their image of their masculinity higher keeps them from stepping outside the box. It keeps us from pursuing our goals, being different and staying committed.
The Emotional Gash
Imagine a dam holding back thousands of gallons of water. That dam has a lot of pressure behind it and it take one hole which causes that dam to collapse. All the water rushing out, flooding and destroying everything in its path.
It takes one bad memory, emotional connection or bad event for guys to build that dam. After that event the pressure starts building and building. Guys try to keep the pressure contained as long as they can. With that pressure they try to move on and build a relationship with someone else but that pressure is still there following them. Then it takes one thing that can make us insecure, scared and cause that fear of us messing up. After, that moment happens the hole forms and first it’s small but then it gets bigger. The pressure behind that hole breaks it open causing that water to rush out and destroy everything in its path- but it wasn’t intentional. That pressure was building for a while and under the wrong circumstance it burst open.
The Conclusion:
Guys have pressure all the time and our fears keep from trying to be in relationship. Then opening up to someone and letting someone in might make us feel like our masculinity is being diminished causing the attitude the “I don’t care” attitude. However, it goes deeper and it takes someone really special to open that side up but remember it takes time. Guys feel equally vulnerable as girls but we try not to show it.
