I was by no means prepared for what you had in store for me, and at the time, I don't think I would have made a break for it if I knew. That's how tight you had me around your claws. You created this persona of a caring, misunderstood person who only wanted to be free of his demons; the truth is, however, that you only wanted to dump them onto someone else. To this day I swear I could see the small twinkles leave your lips as they coated every word so smooth. "Lip service" was always a strong skill of yours. It's unfortunate that empathy was not. It was almost like an emotion that couldn't properly register through your mind and definitely not your heart. It wasn't long until your intentions became more twisted...

You are not at fault for the choices I made. There was always a small part of me that knew you were trouble. I knew that the war within yourself was too much to bear, and I wanted to "fix" you more than I wanted to admit the truth. You were the one that made the world crumble around me. I truly wanted to believe that somewhere inside, deep within the anger and pain that you carry, that there was still a decent human being waiting to be unleashed to the surface. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I poured every ounce of myself into our relationship. I listened to the crazy stories with an open mind even when it seemed like it came straight out of an episode of "The Twilight Zone". I wanted to be such a great girlfriend that I forgot to live life as a teenager; I even spent countless hours planning our future and the colors we'd choose for our wedding. We agreed that after high school we'd wed and then start our glamorous lifestyle together; we even started cutting off the people who were not believers of our fantasy-filled relationship. I should have noticed the red flags then when I started losing the people I never thought I'd turn my back on--even my family.

That never was enough for you, though. You were so stuck on ruining me that you'd wait the years in between my healing time only come back to creatively find a new way to screw up whatever I had going for me at the moment. You stole my hope for the future and love by replacing it with your insecurities, self-loathing, and unwillingness to trust. When you decided you were done with me, you wanted to make sure I'd never have hopes or dreams again, and for a very long time, you succeeded in that.

For an even longer time, I loathed you for turning me into a metaphorical "monster". I pushed those away that tried to help, looked for love in all the wrong faces and places and had no idea that I had a serious problem. I refused to admit to a problem due to the fact that it'd mean coming to terms with the fact that I'd have to face the demons around me that were once yours. That was a terrifying thought, but it had to be done.

I came along way since then; we even spoke not too long ago. I have to admit that it was hard, but the ambition to face you and prove to you and myself that you have no power over me anymore meant more to me than asking why. Why did you chose me to do this to? Was I just a victim of circumstance?

None of that mattered for that moment. I wanted you to feel my happiness and hear the light through my laughter. I wanted every giggle I let out strike you right through your soul and make your skin crawl because you couldn't break me. I wished you nothing but the best and gave my positive inputs into your life as always. Closure would have been nice, but I knew better.

You stripped the skin of my innocence and tried to make me beg for mercy every chance you got. You wanted to feel powerful since your life was anything but in your control. You wanted to leave me distraught while still being able to come back as you please. You wanted me to welcome you with open arms without question. In a way I did, and at the end of all of this I forgave you. Not for your benefit but for mine; the more enraged I'd be about you, the more I would change as a person that would make me colder to all the beautiful things the world had to offer--the things I was constantly missing while dwelling over the things I could not control.

My innocence may be broken and twisted, but my hope came back with a wide smile. Thank you for everything. In a twisted way, you made me realize that I cannot be broken if I don't want to be. You made me fight back, and I haven't stopped fighting since. Through it all, I still wish you the best.

Sincerely,

The Ex That Refused To Break