People naturally have a tendency to want to put things into neat little boxes. Relationships, conflict, messy friendships--none of it can overflow into the next. We seem to have the impression that getting a new boyfriend means that everything from our past suddenly fades away and we are solely fixated on this new partner. To be honest, maybe things would be easier if that's how they actually were. Life is a jumbled mess of conflict and juxtaposing emotions that come up at the wrong times, that confuse our hearts, and that can sometimes cause bad decisions. At the end of the day, we all do the best that we can, but pretending that starting a new relationship will mean that the old one is shut in a drawer in the back of our minds, never to be discovered, is naive. It's not going to help.

So, to the man who comes next, these are some things that we, the women recovering from or even just living after a breakup, would like you to know.

Our ex's name is not like Lord Voldemort's. You can say it. You can talk about him, but also don't be worried if we bring it up from time to time.

On that note, don't be afraid to tell us how much you're comfortable talking about. The reality is that many of us with past serious relationships have a lot to say, but we know that there may be a time and a place for that and that's OK.

At first, we may need to take things slow. It can be hard to open up. It can be difficult to start the process again. It takes time, but it's going to be that much better when we start to connect.

Don't feel the need to put him down. We get it. It can be weird that someone was that important in our lives, but that doesn't make him inherently bad. We can both be the bigger people together.

If we happen to run into him, you don't have to pretend to be his best friend. It's neither expected nor required.

Know that some things are just going to remind us of him. Maybe some restaurants, songs, or TV shows will be a little difficult to share with you. It's OK because we can make our own "things."

We may not seem like it, but we want to know about your past relationships too. Anyone who is or was once important to you is important to us.

Having pictures still up on Facebook does not mean anything. Honestly, it's such a pain to delete every single picture and there's no need to pretend like it never even happened.

Sometimes we are going to talk to him. Have faith and trust that there is a reason that he is in the past and not the present.

Know that everything heals with time. Even if there is overlap (which there is sometimes) of feelings for him and you, it will get better the more that we work on us.

Call us out. If we talk about him too much or you think that we're getting too caught up in the drama of the past, you can tell us. Sometimes, all that we need to hear is that we need to let stuff go.

Remember that feelings are fluid and abstract for both of us. If one day we are sad about something that happened in a past relationship, it doesn't invalidate the relationship that we have with you.

Don't think that because we loved someone else means that we have less love to share with you. It's simply not true.

There may be things that he did better than you. We may never say it. You may know it and you may not, but most everyone in this world can do something better than you. Don't let it worry you.

Know that everything that we have been through makes us appreciate you that much more. Love seems brighter and much more precious the second, third, or however many other times around. Thank you for loving us the way that you do.