December 31, 2010 is the day that changed my life forever. My grandfather was the most important man that had ever been a part of my life, aside from God. The amount of love and affection that he exhibited towards me is indescribable. Growing up without a father was difficult, but my grandfather made it easier because he played such a great role in my life. He impacted my life in ways that most people are not able to. People say that time is supposed to heal all wounds, but this wound never fully healed.
I remember the day as if it were yesterday. My mom and I were headed to Atoka, Oklahoma to stay with my grandpa for New Years. I knew something wasn't quite right when we pulled out of the driveway. My gut was quenching with knots. A couple of hours later we pull up to his home and the door was locked. This wasn't like him, the door was always unlocked when he knew we were coming. Luckily, my mom had a key to his home and not so luckily, I walked into his house first. The image replays over and over in my head, finding him lying in his chair while looking so peaceful. He was in a better place, but I was not.
I have never experienced an amount of pain and hurt like I did that morning. The amount of vulnerability I felt was unreal. I was lost, petrified, and wasn't sure how I would recover from such a traumatic event. I became timid to do anything. I did not want to be alone. I could not even walk to one room of the house to another without someone going with me. I began to live my life in fear. I feared constantly that something was going to happen to my mother. I was unable to live my life to the fullest because I was anxious and traumatized. I could not go on like this because my grandfather would not want me to live like this.
My grandpa was the core of the family. He held everyone together when they felt weak and uneasy. He would drive two hours to watch my tennis matches and turn around and drive two hours back home. My grandfather supported my mother and I when we literally had nothing. His arms were always open with love. He was such a patient man. He wanted nothing but the best for my entire family. My grandpa is the epitome of a loving man. He never backed down when he was weak, he never showed hatred when he felt unloved, he was constantly strong and courageous so that my family would never be less than their full potential.
Thank you, Poppy. Thank you for showing me to never accept less than the best. Thank you for being a wonderful role model. Thank you for coming to my tennis matches and supporting my aspirations. Thank you for always loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being a man of God. There is not a day that I do not think about what happened. The image of you is stuck on repeat. The wound is not fully healed, but I know you are. I'll always be your "itty bitty."
If you have a grandfather as loving and caring as mine was, then cherish him. Grandfatherly love is a special kind of love. Life is short and people leave this world too fast. Make sure he knows how special he is to you.
